I met Ming last night to pass him his Christmas present.

I miss him. And when I saw him walk down the drive way, he looked exactly the same as when we left each other. Nothing had changed, he was still him. And it was an amazing feeling to see him. I miss him as my best friend. I miss him, truly.

As we sat by the ledge to chat, Pairah and Yumi camte out and I hugged the both of them, wishing them all the best this festive season. I love them very very dearly. I miss them awfully, and that's when tears welled in my eyes. I miss everything about what was.

But for Ming, all I want him to be is to be happy, however, anyway possible. And he tells me I have to take the sting out of our memories, I have got to release them and move on. As long as I hold on to them, I can never really give my heart to anyone else. I nod my head to agree, and tears flow down my face incessantly. Hey, it wasnt meant to be like this. This wasnt meant to be emotional, it's meant to be happy. But I couldnt hold back the tears -- these werent tears of sadness, no. They were tears of gratitude, how grateful I am to have once enjoyed good times with him. I am truly blessed.

Ming gives me all sorts of advice, and I listen intently. Why should I not? I miss listening to him talk to me, tell me off, tell me as it is. He has always been brutally honest with me, no games, no lies, no deception. He says whatever it is that needs to be said, and that's one of the many reason why I fell for him. He never once minced his words, his yes was yes and no was no. And when we parted ways, I knew it was it. He is unlike the many men I have met, who use flowery words to deceive, he is above them all.

My mind floats back to the past, but I tell myself that there is no past to reminisce; only the future to look forward to. And it is true, there is nothing but the future, and it really is for me to make best out of.

As 2011 comes to a close, I am glad that I met Ming -- this is closure for me. The man I once spent and made memories with has moved on; and I cry not because I am upset he has moved on (yes indeed it hurts), but I cry because I have finally allowed myself to get closure. Allowed myself to sit beside him in conversation, to be with a friend, not with an ex, but with an old friend.

I wish him all the best, I wish him all the happiness and success possible, I wish him joy, peace and all the love life can give. I wish you for all the best things in the world, I pray for his salvation.

And as we depart on our own ways, he says to me that if he is being a stranger, its not because he doesnt care for me, but its because it is the best thing that I need. I step into my car, apply pressure on the accelerator and drive off, not looking back. The tears have dried, they have ceased to flow, instead, I smile to myself, I feel relief, I feel as if Im closing a chapter of my life and moving on to the next. Indeed, life goes on.


I look forward to how 2012 will pan out for me. I know Christ has good plans, I know that His will will come to pass. Most importantly, I believe that faith can move the mountains. Jesus, as I recommit 2012 to you, I pray you will be my guide.


Ylva Ng said...

i miss u girl!

Anonymous said...

I pray that as you commit your life to the Lord, HE will bring forth a new life for you, a life that is filled with love, joy and peace.

Wishing you a blessed Christmas and a victorious 2012!


eStee said...

Thks Ylva and JennyG! Best wishes for 2012! God bless!

Anonymous said...

I'm currently going through something similar. I never got the chance to sit and talk with her, because she lives outside the country, so when she told me it was over, it felt as though something in me died.
No, hug or kiss goodbye... just her voice telling me it was over.
I hope things get easier for you, I know how difficult it can be. May this new year bring you happiness in someone else's arms.

Anonymous said...

So much love between the both of you. Just curious.. why end it?

eStee said...

Anonymous 1: When God closes one door, he surely will open another - in time. Just have to be patient!

Anonymous 2: Happenstance, a chain of unfortunate circumstances! But cest la vie! God has better plans for u, me and him! :)