Good and bad days

some days i wake up raging with anger, some days I wake up feeling shalom peace.

Some days I feel nothing at all.

Then all I do is surround myself with sermons and bethel music to dull whatever I'm feeling, and I sink into a state of complete reliance on HS to make everything OK, to erase every anger, hate, love, memory, feeling. Until there is nothing but me swimming in a sea of hope.

A sea of hope without a float, because I can keep sinking and never have to drown.

Last night I had a terrible nightmare, as I have been getting for nights on end. It was so real, I woke up feeling I was still in the dream, i felt spiders crawling all over my body and I had to take a shower as I was so disgusted with how I was feeling.

I know these nightmares are from the devil. And I know they will fade in time as I immerse myself more into the loving arms of my Father.

And as He erases all the hurt, He will teach me to trust again.


Anonymous said...

Thus says the Lord: "The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness - Israel, when I went to give him rest."
The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: "Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you. Again I will build you, and you shall be rebuilt, O virgin of Israel! You shall again be adorned with your tambourines, And shall go forth in the dances of those who rejoice." - Jer 31:2-4

Blessed are you who trust in the Lord,
And whose hope is the Lord (Jer 17:). You shall see good days to come.

I would have lost heart, unless I have believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13).

Read also 1 Peter chapter 3 and 4. Whatever you go through will make you beautiful on the inside when you prevail.
Be blessed.

eStee said...

I watched Chealsea Smith -- thanks for sharing that. What an inspiration.