I'm OLD. I'm DYING...
I visited Dawn's popo today because she just went for an op. I didn't know what to buy so I guess she had to make do with the standard grapes and peaches..
But maybe it was just an excuse to visit Dawn since she "breaks up" with me this Sunday for Australian boys. *horror horror*
I enjoy the times we lie in bed just talking and laughing and doing nothing. I also very much enjoy throwing her chou chou pillow soft toy off the bed. Stinky old and raggity soft toy of hers. It's so stinky and ugly, I wish I could throw it away for good. Anyway sensitive topic since she is totally devoted to that unfortunate looking piece of CRAP.
We chat a bit, watch Animal Planet (only because I insist -- she's the MTV sort of girl) and wait for Amy to come. The both of them were going for Mambo night, so I guess I was around to join in/watch the make up session, where girls trade gossips -- ranging from boyfriends, crushes, sex (oooh, yes we actually talk about that too!), sales, clothes, shoes, new fragrances, and AMY's DIOR EARRINGS! (I hate her!)
As I lay in bed, I watch Dawn brushing on blusher on Amy's face, both of them excited to paint the town red and pick up some boys. Then for a moment, I feel out of place. Maybe I'm old, but these things never interested me. Clubs, loud music, gyrating with some stranger, smoke up ur nostrills, ears throbbing from the speakers booming. I would like to say that I've overgrown that phase, but the truth is that I have never even been through that phase. I look at them -- Amy is obviously excited as she talks about her boyfriend and her old life of making out with boys at clubs before she met him. Hmmm maybe love can really change someone - but for how long?
Amy is still young -- just 21 so she has the right to have as much fun as she wants. But then I'm not that much older, but I feel a generation apart, maybe too conservative. I like quiet night out at friend's place, drinking coffee and chilling out @ Harry's or Wala, house chill out sessions -- more relaxing things to do on a weeknight out.
I watch Dawn put on a layer of lip gloss on Amy and I remember when I used to help my lil sister make up before going out.
I walk out of the room, sit in the living room and stare at the aquarium. Over 20 orange parrot fishes swim in circles in a small tank. I stare. I stare harder, my eyes glazing over. I am lost in thoughts. I shouldn't be born human, maybe I was meant to be a fish, swimming in circles, over and over again, with not a care in this world.
I'm truly getting older, grandmother-ish, not only that but I'm such a bore thee days. All I think about is work and getting what I want to accomplish in life - planning planing planning. I'm aging too fast and forgetting how to have fun. Part of me laments and is really sad and angry that I have stolen the ability to learn to have fun from myself. I was the robber and I, my own victim. Did I miss the most important part of my youth and now have reached the point of no return?
Have I grown up too fast to stop and smell the scents of flowers (and alcohol and smoke at clubs?)
I don't smoke, no - I've never been to Zouk - don't drink and maybe after all, I don't really have a life. Maybe I should go buy myself a flashy car and show off, too early for a mid life crisis eh? :(
Maybe I'll just go to bed...