Right to VENT

I think I absolutely have the right to vent.

I have lost my wallet, passport, travel documents, name card, make up pouch, sunglasses and heaps of cash in Colombo. Sucks to be me. In a foreign land.. hearing the waves crash loudly from outside the hotel.

Upgraded to a much better room with a better view, but leaving a lot poorer.

Don't know what to say anymore. This year I have lost so many things. First lost my watch, now this. Some curse must be spreading to me from someone. It's frustrating.

God, where are u when I need you? This year has been the worst year of my life. Little I have prayed for has come to pass. Trying to keep my eyes on You and not my circumstances but you have gotta make it easier for me...

Good Bye Corum

No, if you were thinking, Corum isn't a name of a person, this is not a "break up" blog. Or, a name of a pet. No it's not good bye, it's hello.

Sherman gave away his Corum Admiral's Cup 44mm watch yesterday. He didn't tell it to me until I asked him in the evening. Perhaps he was afraid that I would jump out of my skin at the knowledge of him giving a watch close to 20k away. But why would I?

He said he felt the Lord told him to, and he obeyed -- who am I to say no to it. Why would I? The watch belonged to him, any sentimental value that it had, didnt belong with me.

We met a few pastors at a prophetic conference for the last few days and one of them really loved watches. He wore a Panerai -- and we passed it around the table, admiring the gemstones in the watch, that allowed the mechanism to work like "clockwork".

Sherman knew then and there that he was to give his Corum to this particular pastor. If it were me, I would struggle with giving away such an expensive possession. This watch was given to him by his ex client, whom he had made a forture for, thus the watch marked a time in his past when he was what the modern day world would call "successful". A time when they would walk in luxury watch shops and buy watched worth 30-40 grand with cash. I can't even imagine those days, when I had not known Sherman yet. What kind of person was he like? Would we have ever even fallen in love then... dating someone materially wealthy for me, almost seems like a lifetime past. I strain my memory to remember the days I spent with Ming, and it seems like it was almost a dream.

Do I wish I had the material things of year before? --- That's an entire blogport altogether, but I digress.

As I lay on my bed last night, meditating and thanking the Lord for all the wonderful things he has done for me and asking for more of His presence, I realized that because material things, and the past, meant so little to Sherman anymore, he was willing to give away something that was possibly his greatest material possession away to an almost stranger -- someone whom he just met and whom shared a short conversation about Jesus with him. And these things of old had lost its grip on him, he was not dwelling in the past anymore, but he was taking a step of faith, walking forward into the destiny the Lord had for him. I was so touched, and tears welled in my eyes as I thought of it. A man with materially nothing now, but spiritually so rich.

Intimacy with God + Obedience = Manisfestation of God's presence

Oh God, this is my prayer that you restore the years and the things the locusts have eaten -- give Sherman the ability to get wealth to carry out your mission more effectively. For you are a just God, and although we can't see 3 steps down what the future holds, but we trust in your goodness, your character, who you are, for you are unchanging... and your love and mercies endure forever.

This is my world

Wow. Has it been ages or not? I've almost forgotten how beautiful writing is... how cathartic it is. My first love X

What has been going on?

Many things.. as October draws near I'm starting to wonder if I should have a Plan B.

But anyway, God has a sense of humour, I keep having to change my mind about different things, so much so that I'm not even sure myself anymore. Some days I am, some days, I'd rather not think about it, some days, I just stone at the thought of it. I'm awesome at sweeping things under the rug.

It's like a speeding train, going at breakneck speed, into a dark tunnel. You know you will soon see the light, but it seems like forever being in the tunnel, and it's just darkness. No light. Everyone tells you the light at the end of the tunnel is soon, but you wait and wait... somehow you wonder if its a myth.

But I can change my destiny! I have the freedom to change it, but do I? Do I have the freedom? Will I be re- calibrated?

Everything will be OK, all this mumbo jumbo.

I hate the smell of my sofa, it gives me a headache. I never used to be so sensitive to smells, but in this new house, everytime I sit on this sofa, I get a headache.

I have made some new friends.

Annie and Henry came over last week. I had a good time. I like her a lot, she is such a sweetheart. The only thing that keeps me going at work is the wonderful people I get to host.

Esther has left, I wonder if my parents feel like it's an empty nest at home. They will just have to get used to it.

I never forget a face.

I guess that's all I have time for now, its back to making a living.


It's been a while... some while...

And at a point like this, sometimes I look at the spiritual fathers of today and wonder how they got there. What about the seemingly spiritual people who are actually evil underneath. A wolf in sheep's clothing.

How do we tell them apart?

Hopeless Romantic

I think we both fell in love together, at the same time, but separately.

And I know this once you love this girl, and I wish you all the best, truly. We spent 4 good years together, but you and me both will make better futures with whoever you or I end up with.

And I have closed that chapter on you before, many moons ago, but now I lock it up and throw away the keys. Merry Christmas, I wish you all the best.

I am happy for you, and what the future may bring for our lives.

Merry Christmas, and have a happy 2013, Ming Shen. And Merry Christmas, Sherman. This will hopefully be the first of many Christmases we spend together.

And all is peaceful and quiet once again as I ask God to come through for us. He can. And He will.

God gives free choice

Learn to be the right one, instead of finding the right one.

Giving YOU 6 months

I am giving You 6 months of my life, for me to know you in a more intimate way, for You to show me more of Your heart.

I want to put aside all distractions, I want to put them at your feet, and I want to spend time knowing my father's heart. How it beats, the way it beats for me. I want to be enveloped in Your love.

So take me as I am, help me to understand You more, to walk in Your way, to allow myself to be moulded by You. To cast every crown before your throne; to only look to You, as the centre of my life.

Speak because Your sheep hear Your voice and I yearn to know You as You know me. Love You, Dad.