License to "CHEAT"

When do you have the license to "cheat"? When will it be considered OK? When will you be given the green light? When does the world give you a pat on the back for cheating?

Mom and dad were fetching me back from giving tuition today when we suddenly talked about Uncle John and the late Auntie Gracie.

They were my parents' friends from long time back since I was born and I remember fondly receiving birthday gifts and card all the way from Canada without fail each year. Auntie Gracie would never miss a birthday or anniversary, as if it was ingrained in her very DNA to be the person to bring forth joy to the world by never missing a special day. I remember wondering how she was capable of doing so. She had so many friends, who were friends of ours as well and it was as if she had a calendar in front of her where all she did all day was look out for special occasions. She much have had a kinokuniya-load worth of greeting cards for every occasion, I swear!

So what happens is that, a couple of years ago, Auntie Gracie succumbed to cancer and we were all really sad at the loss of a confidante. However, the most devastated was Uncle John. I remember at the funeral, he was sobbing away silently, sad at the loss of a wife, but sadder at the loss of a friend. I remember feeling so much grief, not so much because I would miss her, but more so that the prospect of having to look at Uncle John so sad. Mum and Dad were really upset too, because our families used to be so tight although we were half the world apart...

The topic came up today that uncle John had remarried to some new someone (whom I have no idea who she is and where she comes from). And to some people who called themselves his friends, they found that puzzling, how can someone "remarry" just like that, so quickly, to someone completely foreign, it really doesn't make sense.

But in the car, as I was listening in on the conversation, I felt angry, and frustrated. Angry that people could judge him, frustrated for the lack of compassion from people around. So this is not the first case. Uncle PH, Uncle George, Uncle Winston all loved their wives immensely, but at their passing, soon after, quickly remarried to someone new.

And what the hell is wrong with that? They had loved their wives so much when she was aive, they were totally committed to her and why is it wrong to remarry when she is gone? That doesn't constitute cheating, does it? I mean, seriously, should a man be "punished to be alone" all for the rest of his life just because his wife has left for a better place before him?

Is it wrong to want to find love, afterall men do get lonely, don't they. They still are human! It's not like he was cheating on her or considering thoughts of remarrying when she was alive! These men were completely, wholeheartedly faithful, so who are these people to come by and say that he "didn't love her enough, that's why he remarried"?

How foolish can these ignorant people be? I get more angry as I think about it, these judgmental fools...

For this I say, if your better half is gone, you have more than a license to cheat, so go on, brother!

10 comments:

BHeavens said...

It's spelt "license" girl....

eStee said...

yes 'cher

Bill Claxton said...

Remarrying soon after death of a spouse is not indicative of cheating, though some will inevitably suspect that the new honey must have been 'on standby' all along. That view is unfair to all three parties and represents attachment to a perceived image of someone, rather than accepting the serendipity of life.

It's unfair to the memory of the deceased because it casts them in the light of victim, which is probably unwarranted. And it certainly makes it harder for the new love to be integrated into the family.

For the surviving spouse, I think it's a sign of good mental health that he/she is able to move on after bereavement. So let them be the judge of what brings meaning in their own life.

Don't get too worked up about this though. Cruel and insensitive people can pollute your otherwise untroubled outlook.

eStee said...

Hi Bill:

thanks for that thoughtful comment. Agree with you, some people may tend to be too judgmental, especially when they aren't the ones in the situation. That's one of the flaws of human nature, we can sometimes tend to be too critical and self-righteous. We need more pple like you around!

p/s: Linkin park rocks :)

rayner said...

A guy who re-marries after a spouse's death, does not mean he didn't love his wife enough.

I have an uncle who remarried after becoming a widower, but both he and his current wife visits his late wife's grave to pay respect every year.

In my opinion, after a long marriage, and after the bereavement stage, one still needs to survive, move on and becoz humans are such social creatures that we simply need another companion! So, viola! another wife!

The love part is impossible to measure... really... there is no instrument made by man that can measure such a feeling.. only those made by God can measure Love...dunno what it is? ask me !!!

The same goes for the wife when she becomes a widow... just that the lady usually wait for men to make the move...

Well, we are so very weak and thus, always fall into traps and do what we should not be doing very often... that includes judging people... So, I think, just try to remind loh.... no need to get angry over this =o) SMILE!!!

eStee said...

Rayner: "The love part is impossible to measure... really... there is no instrument made by man that can measure such a feeling.. only those made by God can measure Love"

I cannot agree more with you. Though I do wish there was a contraption to measure it, will make so much wiser decisions eh? :)

Ankit Guglani said...

Well, if I were to die, I'd certainly wish for my wife to lead a happy life till the end of her years, and if some other man could provide for that, I'd tell to not waste her time and go for it! ... besides when I die, I'd like to people to enjoy ice-cream and chocolate during the fireworks display while they remember all the good times we shared in the celebration of my life ... cheers!

eStee said...

ankit: one thing we have in common. Love for ice cream :)

Anonymous said...

after i die... im dead who cares!

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