Just some silly dance song that's been on repeat on my phone since this PM.
Today, out of the blue, K suddenly asked me to be his girlfriend. Like, I didn't ever see this coming before, like ever! I never talk to him on the phone, hardly even ever exchange texts, and he suddenly throws me this absurd question. I almost gag on the sushi that I was eating. Deja vu, didn't this like happen 2 years before and I distinctly remember saying to him that if he couldn't remain as friends, then its better that he stops all contact??????
I plainly said, no, no feelings at all, we are in different stages in life. Not going to happen. There are certain things I need which he will not be able to give me.
The next hour, he spends his time trying to convince me that he is worth a shot and if I don't try I won't ever know. But I don't need to know what I don't care to know! Is that so difficult to understand?
I don't mean to be harsh and petty about it, but it pisses me off now thinking about it. It makes my blood boil, it makes me feel as if I am obliged to you, it makes me feel like all I wanna do is HATE you. The last 15 mins on the phone (it is coming to midnight for crying out loud), he has been trying to tell me how much I've bruised his ego and how I've made him feel worthless as a man. But you see, I AM NOT your emotional crutch, I AM NOT born to make you feel good about myself. And most importantly, I AM NOT going to act as if you have a chance just to make it less painful for you.
Enough of making things easy for you, and caring for you, when all you do is come back and bite me in the back, blaming me for your sorrows, blaming me for causing confusion in your life and for throwing your aspirations out of the window for me. I DO NOT care if you are going to DUKE-NUS Medical school, I DO NOT care if you have a 2nd degree, I DO NOT care if you find a job now.
Is that clear enough for you???!!!? So don't even bother being angry with me. I an NOT responsible for what you want to do in your life, I DO NOT care to tell you what you have to do.
I have my own battles to fight too, you know? No time to entertain your whining.
Get on with it already. Don't even bother with your threats, they don't work. I don't care.
Just re-read my blog post and I'm disgusted at what a terrible and angry person I sound like. I'm not usually this was but last night, I was really upset at the turn of events. I had thoughts of deleting this post, but then, decided not to, because afterall, the good, the bad, the ugly -- they all have to be here, I can't only always paint a pretty picture. I apologize to all those who were put through having to read this. My moment of folly.