It's about time, I surrender.
I have realized that despite always feeling like I'm the only one in the world who is paranoid and feels almost somewhat "trapped" in my own ideals, there are indeed many others like me.
The thing about it is over the past 6 months since I revived my blog, I have received many touching emails from people I hardly know/don't know at all writing to encourage me, or writing to share their stories with me.
How amazing it is to be able to relate to someone through mere words on a blank canvas.
There must be a greater meaning and reason to why this blog exists, truly.
Shimei's mom was buried yesterday - unfortunately I couldnt attend as I was still in Malaysia. It must have been painful and I don't know how I would have been able to keep tears at bay. I still have some lingering questions, but I have surrendered them. Let go, and let God.
In other news, I'm starting to see James a lot more and I think I'm starting to like him more. It's not that I don't trust him, but he reminds me of Zheng Chang a lot. And Zheng Chang was the guy who put me through the most pain I have ever felt in my entire life. I want to let him in, but I'm afraid that I'll be opening myself to a lot of heartache, and if so, I'd rather not. But how would I know unless I try? I'm not a gambler, I don't toy with someone else's heart.
But hey, let's take these shackles off my feet so I can dance....
I am thankful that I have so many friends, people texting me daily to ask me how life is, or just to tell me that they have been praying for me. I am truly blessed for these people, whom from all walks of life, become my constant silent support. They also, give me many advice. The thing I have to admit is I often know what is the right thing to do, but often I can't do it. I am weak.