I have learnt a few things from the Hong Kong Trip, many things I already knew of, but perhaps the trip has come at a right time to concertize things for me:
1) I have many good friends
They are the most important things to me. When the going gets tough, who has been there for me? To my bestest friends however often we talk, you are always close to my heart. Though ZC, to D, to Ming and then to J.. you have always been there, whenever they walked out. I love you all: Shimei Lau, Cheryln Chang, Grace Tan, Gerri Ding, Jessie Chew, Nicole Hu, Dorcas Chia....
2) Small Gestures
Jon sent me flowers all the way to Hong Kong from London. I texted him a couple of times to thank him, but no response... Jon if you are reading this all the way from London, TQ! You know when I say you're pompous, I don't really mean it right? Who am I kidding? You are! :)
3) I need R&R
I was supposed to meet Ben, Anthony and Hansen during the trip. CC and I could have also met Schmoll, but we were too tired from shopping and the last thing we wanted to do was to club and get all crazy... so this R&R trip really turned out to be nothing but R&R -- which is great.
We did manage to meet Hansen, though.. which was good for me because I hadn't seen him in a while and somehow, he makes me feel like he is a friend that I can talk to... and I was happy he got to meet CC and her mother. He brought me to this "sim lim square" looking place... overwhelming with IT gadgets. And the funniest thing he said to me was "In this place, you can be sure the guys wont check you out - Geekville!" :)
He also managed to bring me to this golf shop and I got some golf balls for J. Hansen sure came in handy because I don't know a flying fcuk about golf.
4) My love for shopping has been reignited!
I bought so many new colours of nail polish.. and oh my, Hong Kong has the best lingerie and lace bras! They are amazing! I got my sister and I a pair of cute CK boxers too, so cute!
5) A mother's LOVE
I saw CC's mom care for the whole troop of us like we were part of her brood. It's so nice. It indeed is true that although they have the means to spend more than a typical family -- a mother's love is uniform across the board. I see how CC's mom treats CC, and I see that is the exact same way mum would treat me and Esther. A mother's love is sacrificial and unconditional, no matter what social strata you come from. Although my parent are in Korea now traveling, I hope they are safe and have fun. I want to be a good mother one day, exactly like the examples I have encountered.
I think he is a person of little words. Which leaves me wondering: is it because he doesn't care for me, or is it because this is him? Sometimes I wish I would hear from him more... but I have realized that if I centre my life around someone else, I will never truly love the person I am. And this new perspective I'm adopting is making me happier (but more selfish as well))... is this wrong?
7) Don't sweat the small stuff
And the sun always will seem that much brighter...
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?
I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
'Cause I'm just trying to be happy, ya
Just wanna be happy, ya
So it is true, I just want to be happy. I think J doesn't know what I want or what I need -- I constantly feel that one moment he is hot, the other he is cold. And it's just irresponsible. It's not something I can live with. So I'm going to tell him today... that I just want to be happy... so I'm gonna have to do my own thing from now on. No more bending over backwards to make him happy. I've made way too many excuses for him. But the truth is that I really AM too good for him. He doesn't know how to appreciate it. And I'm better of spending my time and effort on someone who should actually matter! How do I know that? I just know.
I went to Orchard Towers with Jon, H, beautiful Cornelia and her newborn baby Camille last night. And oh my god. I saw so many beautiful lady boys. Seriously, I've realized I can't even tell men from women now. Jon was going GAGA over them, all these thai ladyboys... they really are hot. Cornelia and I were sitting there feeling like we couldn't match up at all. What an irony.
You should have seen Jon's jaw drop and how he blushed whenever a hottie walked by. I? I just wanted to eat my dinner, and cradle baby Camille in my arms. She is beautiful... isn't she?
I walked out of the place feeling really jaded -- and I stated to try to count the men I know who wouldn't be charmed by these she-males... must be hard, since they are really gorgeous.. I could probably only think of a handful of men (not even 5) who I think can be trusted.. it is true isn't it? You don't need a bevy of men. You just need ONE GOOD ONE.
CC told me, it's just one. ONE. UNO. It sure is gonna take a truckload of luck then. And I'm just feeling stone cold.