I spoke to Shimei, Dorkie and CC today about what transpired on Monday.
They make me feel so loved. It is true, friends are my fortress, my fortitude, my hiding place. But there rings so much truth in what they say, even if it were to make me feel better, I truly believe in what they have told me. I am thankful to have people like that around me. And we are doing dinner later, just to give me an outlet to vent.
I still want to cry, because it is an act of purging. A physical manifestation of washing away the old, and welcoming the new. But yet again, my eyes water slightly, but the tears still wont flow. I want to cry a torrent, then later, I know I will be just fine.
And I think of her, and part of me cringes. As black is to white, as north is to south, ad head is to tails, I cannot find us any more dissimilar. The only words that resound in my ear are "Hello, standards?".
I am not a wild child.
I met this young 20 yo girl called GL yesterday. It allowed me to smile under all that blanket of pain, I have fallen in love with her (think clean thoughts, not dirtay ones!). Her innocence, her smile, her zest for life. And as we sat on the deck of the boat, I looked at her, and I saw a glimpse of myself about 7-8 years back, the sun in my face, wind in my hair, ever ready to conquer the world.
She told me about her encounter with boys, her school in Australia, her experiences with the cultural differences and the identity crisis all of us experience at one time or another. And I told her how I have changed since I was a teenager, how part of me died when I found out how painful life can be at times. But all I was was captivted by her smile, her voice, her excitment for life, and her apprehension for dating and the wide unknown. Like a younger sister, whom I could love so dearly.
I pray she will never lose sight of the shore, that she will swim hard to reach her dreams, that she will forever be happy. She is a good girl, clean, uncorrupted by the harsh realities of life. Angels like that should always be protected and never let down. So my prayer today is for her and her only, that she will forever smile with reckless abandon. That would make me very happy.