Im sure I'm going to be slammed a great deal for this. Otherwise, I will be thanked profusely for dispensing this information. What do men really want in a woman, and what do woman really need. (Many lie about what they need so to seem less "materialistic" or "shallow")

I've had many arguments with fellow friends about this touchy issue. The bottomline I get told time and time again is that WOMEN WANT MONEY/POWER, which translates into rich and powerful men. On the other hand, men want beautiful, and attractive women.


I still continually debate this issue but recently, I was sent this email directing me to this link, which I was so engrossed in reading I actually missed a class. Thanks to Tim for sending Ming this link! And for Ming for sending it to me! Because of this, I have been debating with my friends over this issue for the last couple of days!

Welcome to your introductory class on the LADDER THEORY. I shall now attempt to summarize it for you people.

Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.

Point One: Every time you meet someone you give them a quick mental rating. This rating is dependent of whether you are female or male.

This is the WOMEN'S Rating system

This is the MEN's

Now the ladder theory description goes like this:
  1. Bob Meets Jane
  2. Bob sizes her up based on the above criterion
  3. Bob puts her on the ladder
  4. Bob meets Connie
  5. Bob sizes her up based on the above criterion
  6. Bob puts her on the ladder above Jane

You can recognize this has gone on because Bob says " I'd like to fuck Jane, but not as much as I want to fuck Connie"

Need me to elaborate? Well, the WOMEN'S rating can actually be broken down more specifically. The author says: Most guys know that women dig guys with money. Would Donald Trump be fucking models if he wasn't rich? That question is rhetorical. Now I don't even believe this is wrong, I think it is just nature. But I also think women who are this way (and it is almost all of you) should be honest and admit that they are basically whores, and stop saying bad things about the so-called "actual whores" who are just trying to earn an honest living.

Most women read this and say something like, "Well I'm not the average woman because.. blah... blah... not true... blah blah... my boyfriend/lover/husband/masseuse was poor... blah... blah."

If you thought something like this you are very likely the average woman. If you read it and went "Hmmm..." and then you went back to doing physics, then you have a case.

Looks are not to be discounted. I see many girls revert to about a seventh grade emotional level when they see some guy at the club, or some guy from a crappy movie. I think everyone has seen this phenomena, and it seems to have become an alarming trend in women of increasing age.

The attraction category is broken down further in the next section. This is a change from previous versions of the ladder theory that included looks here instead of attraction. I feel this is a more accurate depiction, as evidenced by experiment and peer review.

The last 10% was my effort to give women the benefit of the doubt. A common question men ask of women is "Tell me what you want in a man?", which is like asking how many guys she's slept with, an invitation to be lied to. Because she'll almost invariably answer with some combination of

  • sense of humor
  • intelligence
  • sensitivity
  • emotional stability

As far as I can tell this is mostly rubbish. But in an effort to be fair I have included this, since there seem to be a few rare cases of this. Just none that I have ever seen.

Another thing to watch out for is the code words women use. Here is a translation guide for dealing with women.

I want a man who is motivated and has goals.
Means: I want a rich man

Says: I want a man who knows how to treat a woman.
Means: I want a rich man

Says: He's from a really good family.
Means: He's from a really rich family.

I'm sure you get the point. Let's move on.

Physical Attraction/Looks
- This is still a big factor in attraction. This is self-explanatory.

Competition - I almost titled this section disinterest. The two are closely related. We can only pursue what runs away from us. A man who is devoted to something else besides the woman is autmatically more attractive. Any intellectual whore who has ever listened to a girl complain about how her boyfriend-ran-off-with-a-slut or how her boyfriend-is-really-not-dumb-he's-just-streetsmart-and-he- has-to-sell-weed-to-support-his-baby's-mama or he's-really-nice-even-though-he-ignores-me-and-hits-me-sometimes-but-you-don't- know-what-he's-like-when-we're-alone or he's-not-emotionally-available-that's-why-I-like-talk-to-you-until-it's-time-to-go-fuck-him while he himself is sitting right there and would like nothing better than to be with her but of course is sitting solidly on the friends ladder knows this intuitively. Ultimately, almost all guys learn this truth for themselves: The best way to never score with a woman is to show too much interest in her.

Women seem to especially like it if you are more devoted to your bad music, biker gang, forearm tattoo or marijuana. These all seem to work wonders. There are some interests you can show in a woman that will help you to fuck her: a healthy interest in destroying her self-esteem and in fucking her friends more than her seem to work wonders. Note that the following topics of disinterest have been field tested and shown conclusively not to work: Unix, literature, poetry, international politics, and sodomy.

- Let's face it, if you're like every other guy who works a normal job and tries to live a good life, you're probably like just about every other guy. Chicks don't dig this, and why would they? Who wants someone who is just like everyone else? Something different is more attractive. Like someone who does not have to work during the day like most people because they have lots of money from business or selling drugs. Or like someone who has stabbed a man and went to prison for it. Different and a veritable ticket to getting laid.

Deconstructing money/power

"Power is a great aphrodesiac" - Notorious Asshole and War Criminal Henry Kissinger

"A woman's test is material. A man's test is a woman...if a man could fuck in a cardboard box, he wouldn't buy a house."
- Rabbi Dave Chappelle

It was previously assumed that money was a fundamental unit of attraction to a woman. Further investigation has revealed a better understanding of this very important piece of the woman's rating system. The piece which was formerly labelled money has been replaced by a money/power paradigm. The two are almost always intertwined in a way that makes them hard to distinguish, so I don't think it productive to make a chart of how they breakdown exactly. One almost always follows the other in any case.

What is important to know about the money/power piece is that previously it was thought of as static. Now we know that the money/power piece of attraction displays time-variance. That is, the amount of money needed to get maximal "points" in the money category varies according to the age of the woman. When a woman is younger her perspective is different as to what makes a lot of money. As she gets older the amount of money neccessary for full points increases.

For a girl of 16 full points for money might be obtained by having access to a car and beer money. When she is in her early college years, a nicer car and enough money to join a fraternity is probably sufficient. As she advances into her twenties what we consider to be the normal money chart will begin to manifest itself -- that is, she'll want the richest man she can get.

At no point that we can discern does money ever not become a factor. Take any guy. Take a woman that has that guy. In no circumstance that is known would she not rather have a guy just like that, but with more money. Actually, maybe in one circumstance -- when the guy has enough money to buy her basically everything she wants. This is self-evident, I should think.

Dreams of a Final Theory

I think is very very close to a final analysis of how a woman's rating system works. If you are very attractive, rich, and novel and show no interest in her she is almost guaranteed to want to fuck you. Indeed, isn't this the very definition of Alpha Male? In this way we have derived from our theoretical framework an idea that agrees with observation and experiment to many degrees of accuracy. It also provides a frameowrk for the Logic. Strive to be attractive, novel and aloof and you will go far.

Construction of the Ladder

Now for the core of the theory. Since everyone you meet has a rating, it is only natural to stack them up on a ladder. Let's look at the ladder of some example man.

So it should be self-evident, if you are following this at all, that the people you want to have sex with the most will be at the top of the ladder. Descending down to the bottom of the ladder we pass the following people:

  1. The people we really want, who may even be out of our league, are on top
  2. Then come the people we like
  3. Moving further down we pass the people who we would fuck if we were intoxicated and would admit to doing it later.
  4. At the bottom are the people we would fuck drunk, and would lie about doing it later.

Clinging to the bottom are the girls that are wolf ugly. These are women so ugly you would chew your own arm off to get away rather than fuck them. Usually fake teeth, or the loss of several hundred pounds can move a woman up from wolf ugly.

Now let's take a look at what the typical woman's ladder looks like:

The first thing to notice here is that a woman has not one ,but two ladders. This is becasue in addition the normal ladder, a woman also has a friends ladder. The friends ladder is where a woman puts guys that she considers "just friends". More to the point where she puts guys who don't get to have sex with her.

The problem arises because a woman never lets a guy know which ladder he is on. Obviously there is a huge difference, or gap between these two ladders. It is in this gap that kisses of death are delivered and intellectual whores are made. All a man can do is "go for it" and make a move on a girl; ask her out, try to kiss her, write her a love note or whatever. If he's on the good ladder fine. If he is on the friends ladder this is a case of ladder jumping. The man is trying to jump the gap from the friends ladder to the real ladder. The girl has two choices at this point: she can let him on the ladder and all is well, or, more likely, she can kick him in the head, and off the ladder. If you look you'll see that below the ladder is the Abyss(what was it Nietzsche said about a man being on a rope stretched over an Abyss?....well it's worse than he thought; there is no rope.) So the man falls into the Abyss. The Abyss isn't really as bad as it sounds. Mostly it's a period of self-loathing, embarrassment, and of course utter awkwardness with the girl in question if they are talking at all.

To fully illustrate the point I'll now examine some common scenarios and their ladder theory explanations. For purposes of these examples Tom will be our boy and Jane will be out girl.

Scenario 1: Tom meets Jane. She's pretty and seems interesting to talk to. Tom and Jane start haging out and talking more and more. Tom develops an attraction to Jane, and one day tries to kiss her. Jane tell Tom she doesn't think of him that way and she wants to remain friends. The next few weeks contact between the two falls off. Jane starts fucking an outlaw biker.

Ladder Theory Explanation: Tom met Jane. Tom was immediately placed on the friends ladder. Tom didn't know this. Tom tried to jump ladders. Jane kicked Tom in the head rather than let him on and sent him hurtling to the Abyss below. The oulaw biker was not on her friends ladder (they never are) but rather on her good ladder.

Scenario 2: Tom meets Jane. She's cute and seems smart. After an appropriate amount of time he asks her out on a date. She acccepts and they have what seems to be a perfectly nice date. Tom thinks he has a chance with Jane. He asks her out again. She says no, either explicitly or by never returning his phone call. Tom has no idea what the Hell just happened. Jane starts fucking an unemployed alcoholic.

Ladder Theory Explanation: Jane misrepresented which ladder Tom was on. He thought he was on the good ladder because of her acceptance of the date. Mistake. This led to an unintentional ladder jump. He was kicked into the Abyss. In this situation, Jane often wants to stay friends becasue you are so interesting and funny or some shit like that. If this happens you are most likely an Intellectual Whore. I'm sorry. This is most likely to be a ninja-bitch.

Scenario 3: A girl says any of the following to you:

  • "You're like a brother to me"
  • "You're like a big teddy bear"
  • "I feel like I can talk to you about anything"
  • "You're so nice"
  • "Can you help me with my homework"

Ladder Theory Explanation:
You are on the friends ladder. So Sorry.

You can see that a lot of problems can be avoided(though sadly not problem two) by declaring as soon as possible to a girl that you will not be friends under any circumstances. You can explain that she is too attractive or you can be blunt and say you don't want to bend your "friends" over a table and fuck them, but would rather play poker and go to the races with them, thus disqualifying her from friendship. As long as you are clear. This may scare a girl away. But if it does what would you want with such a skittish little twit anyway?

Next we'll explore some of the consequences of the ladder and applications in every day life.

Hidden Variables in the Ladder

The Ladder Theory is assumed to be correct for all classical phenomena. There do seem to be some "hidden" variables that modify the Ladder to some extent. These variables do not affect the rating system, nor do they affect the fundamental theorems of the Ladder. They do, however, modify how we act with regard to the Ladder.

These are the hidden variables that have been identified.


While most people, even people who believe in God, will have sex before they are married and thus fall under the rules of the ladder, some people are so religious they will not have sex until they are married. This is of course a silly and anachronistic practice, but it does occur. In this case, the Ladder should me modified as follows: change instances of 'would have sex with' to be 'would like to have sex with.' This works because while religious people have the same impulses, they choose to deny them as opposed to embracing them.


Of course when drunk we do things we wouldn't do otherwise. Usually when sobriety sets in, there is a return to the tenets of the ladder theory. In most cases, it should be noted, repressed Americans use being drunk as an excuse to do what they wanted to do anyway, so one should be very careful in applying this variable. For example, I'm drunk as I type this, but I would have typed it anyway, even though I might fall back on that excuse if there are a lot of typos in there or it doens't stand up to peer review. Do not let me get away with this.


A lot of people have asked about the significant others of friends and if they are special cases of the Ladder. They are not. These are not your friends. These are virtual friends. For example, a friend of mine is fucking a girl. I like her, she's great, we get along, etc... But when they break up she is dead to me. Or if the friend leaves the picture the normal rules of the Ladder apply. So are we really friends? Of course not. We are conditional friends. This does not affect where she goes on the Ladder. Think of it like this: the Ladder is a rating system, and I'll rate her along with everyone else based on how much I would like to fuck them. A note for guys: if your friends girl offers you a piece you should hit that shit, because he shouldn't be laying up with no ho. Ideally you should tape it also, because most guys will believe the person they're fucking.


What desperation does is shift downward the line of quality that one would consider for fucking. There is a line on the ladder that is the quality of the last person you were fucking. Since one of the purposes of life, if not the purpose, is to move up the ladder, you want someone above this line. Sometimes you can't find someone above this line. This leads to a virtual shift in the line downward as one gets more and more in need of a fuck. But in terms of what a person wants, nothing changes -- you'd leave your desperation fuck for someone else with the requisite ladder attributes.

Hidden Variables and Sanity

Note that all known hidden variables are indicative of an altered consciousness of some kind. At the 'limit of sanity' the Classical ladder's rating system still applies. So I don't feel that these change the core theory, but explain times when the theory is not able to be applied because your perception is wrong.

Back to the Beginning: Yes, They All Want to Bang You.

You'll note that a man has one ladder while a female has two. The man is lacking a "friends ladder." The man's ladder reflects the conventional wisdom that a man generally only wants one thing. That's because the conventional wisdom is correct. This leads us back to the conclusion that many women I have explained this to find so distasteful:


Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases Intellectual Whores has identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:

  1. The guy is gay
  2. The guy does not find you attractive.
  3. The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder

Even Nietzsche knew this. Most guys know this intuitively. Most girls doubt. I have a challenge for all of you girls who still doubt. Pick a guy who does not meet any of the criterion on the above list that you think is your friend. Then ask yourself this question: If you were both alone at his place one night, and you excused yourself to the bathroom and came out naked and asked him to have sex with you would he:

  1. Tell you he doesn't want to risk the beautiful friendship you have created with messy physical entanglements.
  2. Comply

Consequences of the Ladder

Toward a Meaning of Life

Convieniently, the ladder theory answers the oft asked question, "What is the purpose of life?" The purpose of life is to move up the ladder. The person you are with now should be better (higher on your ladder) than the person you were last with. Okay it's not perfect but if you have no direction in life, trying to fuck hotter and hotter chicks or richer and richer guys is as good a place as any to start. In addition to giving a good base toward a meaning of life there are a few other things that ladder theory explains.

Topping out the Ladder:

Have you ever seen a guy that was not particularly attractive, rich or muscled yet was with a lovely woman? For most guys the most common reaction is envy, something like "Hey I'm not all that muscled, attractive or rich either. Why can't I be fucking a girl like that?" We at intellectual whores used to feel this way about "stump factor" as well. But then ladder theory was discovered and we realized that it was more rational to pity this man.

Ladder theory tells us that the purpose of life is to move up the ladder. When their relationship ends, he will probably never be able to get another woman as good as the one he is with right now -- the rest of his life he'll likely be striving in vain. In effect, he's doomed the whole rest of his life to meaninglessness unless he marries this girl. This of course is just trading one type of doom for another.

Ladder Disparity

The ladder is obviously a two-way process. When Bob meets Jane he puts her on his ladder and she puts him on her ladder. It often happens that one person is a lot higher on your ladder than you are on theirs, or vice versa. The leads to a situation that looks like this:

Notice that Bob has Jane very low while Bob is very high on Jane's ladder. He is most likely rich and she is most likely ugly. Anyhow this is a classic case of disparity. If we connect the two points we can make a right triangle. The resulting hypotenuse "c" is the magnitude of the disparity.

Common shorthand among ladder thoerists is "Well, she caught him fucking a stewardess and didn't leave him but what do you expect for a level 5 disparity." The position of being high on someone else's ladder while having them low on yours is referred to as being in the "upper" or "power" position. This is good and leads to different things depending on who is in the power position.

If the man is in the upper position the disparity is a measure of how long the woman will put up with him cheating, using her physically without committing, or paying his rent and all his bills.

If the woman is in the power position then it is a measure of how much the man will spend money on her, fetch her things at midnight, and listen to stories about other guys she is fucking.

Basically I literally copied everything said on this website because although in the beginning I wanted to paraphrase, I felt anything I added would decrease the quality of content on such a well written theory. There are more sub-theories to this Ladder Theory, so click here to find out!


ZB said...

good article :)

Anonymous said...

I read that a few years ago. I maintain it's not 100% true about the banging bit, but the female ladder does work that way (as far as I know)

eStee said...

esther: I assume u agree with it in its entirety?

Daryl: you sure the banging bit is not 100% true? I think the female ladder is way exaggerated!

ZB said...

not entirely, but parts of it are true. haha...

yapthomas said...

i actually read the whole article you copied and posted!

i do agree on some base on knowledge and cases of friends...


nadnut said...

i can attest to the female ladder. sometimes we immediately place guys on the friends ladder but sometimes some persistent guys manages to hop from the friends ladder to the good ladder. *looks at tiger*

eStee said...

yap thomas: click on the link to read the whole theory. I couldn't copy everything!!!

Nadnut: lucky tiger!!!

Esther: the article paint women to be too materialistic. I think perhaps some might be, but there are still those who are down to earth??

ZB said...

of course they are! :)
but then again, i'm not denying that they way this article paint guys and girls are to some extend true too.

Observer said...

Oh My God.... does this correlates to why girls like Ah Bengs ?

Charlie said...

walau eh, thats a long and interesting article. Though some of the facts are not true, but its fun, especially after a long day at work.

Anonymous said...

This is a summary?

Anonymous said...

Is this your dissertation or something?

Lupin Tan said...

10 Ways Women Judge You

...And how to win them over anyway

Can't Tell the Players Without a Scorecard
"So much subliminal information is conveyed in those first seconds of contact," says Carol Kauffman, Ph.D., a relationship therapist and psychology instructor at Harvard medical school. Okay, so you're on the clock. Make every second count. Below are 10 ways - in rough chronological order - a woman judges your fitness to be her proverbial daddy.

Did He Dress Well for the Date?
"She's watching to see if you put some energy into your dress and grooming," says Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in Boston. "If you don't take the trouble to dress well for her now, she could see it as disrespectful."

Is He Depressed?
Does he stare at my breasts? Does he have any sense of humor? If you're a total loser, it pays for her to ascertain that on the first date, says Zoldbrod.

Is He Like My Ex?
Yes, we always pay for the last guy's sins. "What women want is often based on their past negative or positive experiences," says Kauffman. So when she talks about past boyfriends, heed well.

Is He Bitter About Past Relationships?
She needs full use of your closets. There's no room for baggage.

Can He Talk About Himself and Listen to Me?
She'll carry 80 percent of the conversation load. Just make sure your 20 percent is about something.

Is He Generous?
Women somehow see a correlation between leaving a 10 percent tip and having a propensity to drown kittens.

Does He Make Me Feel Understood and Appreciated?
If you can't succinctly state her values, her politics, and her ambitions, you're probably failing here. Ask more questions. Listen to the answers this time.

Is He Open to a Relationship but Not Needy?
Ace the other nine criteria here and your odds of appearing needy will edge toward nil.

Does He Keep Promises?
If you're not reliable, you're not viable, especially not for the ultimate goal of all this. . . .

Does He Have the Potential to be a Good Father?
"For long-term potential, she considers whether you have the values she wants in a man," says Jean Koehler, Ph.D., president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. If she can't see tykes on your knee, she's wasting her time. How you interact with your own family can be a strong indicator here.

PS: this entry is freaking long, had to print to read, hahaha.

eStee said...

freethinker: r u an ah beng??

Charlie: haha... I guess we all agree to some extend...

Tim: Well, perhaps not so summary.. I leaft out the last few pages cuz it got too dreary... thanks for the link!

Geekonomics: no la... i not that intelligent or Cynical!

Lupin: haha... I guess your right too, your very own dissertation!

Anonymous said...

That was pretty much a shocking revelation to me...but have humans evolved until this low a standard?

Lupin Tan said...

Well Estee, I didn't wrote them, plugged them from the net when I hear it over the radio, thought it was qutie fitting to ur entry though I haven't read urs yet.

Anonymous said...

its a really long article. but still well done. how about an article on the ger point of view on how a guy could do to jump from the friend ladder to the more-than-friend ladder?

how to know which ladder and which position of the ladder am i placed at? *joking*

i think after reading this article i shouldn't be so friendly to all the gers else they will all put me in the friend ladder. *i think i read this b4*

The Key Question said...

Hmm... interesting. I would like to add something about the physical attractiveness of men, which is glossed over by the Ladder Theory.


It appears that even the "real ladder" itself has two dimensions: potential for short-term or long-term relationships.

Even if a woman can attract the richest, most powerful and baddest guy on the block, she would still face the challenge of keeping her man. Recent studies suggest that women would prefer slightly less attractive men as a long-term mate (presumably attractiveness correlates with flight tendency).

eStee said...

anonymous: sorry to disappoint you...

lupin: i actually agreed with what you wrote!!!

tianhong: well, if u want to know where and which ladder you're on, simple solution, ask the girl!!! haha

lim leng hiong: thanks for that article. it makes less well endowed girls like your truly with more hope. So does it for men who arent on the top f any girl's ladder... :)

bacterium said...

this must be one of the longest post i've seen before.

is this your college thesis or what?

Anonymous said...

oh! i remember you talking about this when you were visiting....

Oh dear...according to your theory, the guys i know all don't find me attractive or are gay.


nicelegs said...

haha.. read this some time ago.. but good stuff... just abit long..

Junhao said...

A long post.. Well, at least I learnt something.. Haha.

Anonymous said...

haha i read this before. and i think it..

is true. haha. both for men and women.

we have double standards. lols.

Anonymous said...

I used to think about that when I was 18 yrs old !!! But now, I don't have time to think about these things. Simply bcoz, who cares !!! Instead of thinking about these things, I might as well use my time to think about things that are more useful. Everyone is different. For one, my bf does not conform to the norm. Some normal looking gals like him but I can tell that he is not interested to have sex with them at all !!! Christina

eStee said...

its insane how someone actually took the trouble to come up with such a theory say?

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Kevin Chan said...

The ladder theory is the bomb. But wait, didn't we guys already figure all that out when we were 12? LOL