Just for laugh, folks! Something light hearted instead of my verbal diarrhoea!
The Female Demerit Point System
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and
points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the
way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0) You throw the
bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1) You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
in the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5) You check out a suspicious noise
at night (+1) You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0) You
check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5) You pummel it with
iron rod (+10) It's her pet (-20)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0) You stay by her side for a while,
then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2) Named Tina (-10) Tina is a
dancer (-20) Tina has silicone implants (-80)
HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3) Okay, it's a
sports bar (-2) And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3) It's a sports bar, it's
all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite
team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10) You
develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian
shirts (-30) You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what) You
hesitate in responding (-10) You reply, "Where?" (-35) Any other response
(-20)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned expression (0) You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50) You
listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500) She
realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000).
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Blind Dates
Have you ever been on one?
Up till this year, I would have cringed if someone asked me to go on a blind date.
But now, I've come to accept that it indeed can be fun, in a mysterious way... as long as you're not with a potential serial killer.
And somehow I am more accepting of the fact that arranged marriages tend to last longer than non-arranged ones.
Now that's a thought.
Up till this year, I would have cringed if someone asked me to go on a blind date.
But now, I've come to accept that it indeed can be fun, in a mysterious way... as long as you're not with a potential serial killer.
And somehow I am more accepting of the fact that arranged marriages tend to last longer than non-arranged ones.
Now that's a thought.
10 Dating Tips
Just thinking these thoughts aloud based on my past experience in the past 2 months... well, yea kinda...
1) Never blow hot-cold
Yes it might excite us temporarily with the mystery that surrounds you, but after a while, we write you off. Tell her if you like her, instead of playing the silly old mind games. It's all about consistency.
2) Do not be calculative ("You owe me 56.55 for dinner and GST is 3.66")
Not saying that I've encountered this before (Thank God No...) but still something to think about.
3) Be reliable
When you make a promise to call or text, make sure you do it.
4) Talk about exes casually only (unless probed)
Sooo many dating sites say it's NOT OK to talk about exes. I, on the other hand, think it is OK, as long as you are over her and not moping over how she hurt you. In fact, if you don't know much about the girls this dude has dated, how would you know what kind of guy he is? i think a person's exes is a pretty good indication on what kind of relationship this person is looking for with you.
5) Laugh
If you're gonna be deadpan, you can be sure to put her to sleep.
6)Be Honest
Don't pretend to be someone you're not. It's not sustainable.
7) Don't insult/criticize her friends
If you aren't gonna be well liked by the people she likes, then it really ain't gonna work...
8) If she rejects you dates more than 3 times consecutively, move on.
If she is interested, she'll suggest an alternative date. Too many rejections should be a good hint that she won't see you as anything more than a friend.
9) Show concern
Yes, as trivial as it is, whether asking her how her day was... or anything to show you want to know more about her, it's the first step towards getting to know someone better
10) Pick up the phone and CALL (Texting doesn't count)
Technology is NOT your best friend. There's a limit to texting. If you really like her, call and talk! What's there to be afraid of? Worse come to worse, she'll just say she's busy (unlikely if she's interested)
1) Never blow hot-cold
Yes it might excite us temporarily with the mystery that surrounds you, but after a while, we write you off. Tell her if you like her, instead of playing the silly old mind games. It's all about consistency.
2) Do not be calculative ("You owe me 56.55 for dinner and GST is 3.66")
Not saying that I've encountered this before (Thank God No...) but still something to think about.
3) Be reliable
When you make a promise to call or text, make sure you do it.
4) Talk about exes casually only (unless probed)
Sooo many dating sites say it's NOT OK to talk about exes. I, on the other hand, think it is OK, as long as you are over her and not moping over how she hurt you. In fact, if you don't know much about the girls this dude has dated, how would you know what kind of guy he is? i think a person's exes is a pretty good indication on what kind of relationship this person is looking for with you.
5) Laugh
If you're gonna be deadpan, you can be sure to put her to sleep.
6)Be Honest
Don't pretend to be someone you're not. It's not sustainable.
7) Don't insult/criticize her friends
If you aren't gonna be well liked by the people she likes, then it really ain't gonna work...
8) If she rejects you dates more than 3 times consecutively, move on.
If she is interested, she'll suggest an alternative date. Too many rejections should be a good hint that she won't see you as anything more than a friend.
9) Show concern
Yes, as trivial as it is, whether asking her how her day was... or anything to show you want to know more about her, it's the first step towards getting to know someone better
10) Pick up the phone and CALL (Texting doesn't count)
Technology is NOT your best friend. There's a limit to texting. If you really like her, call and talk! What's there to be afraid of? Worse come to worse, she'll just say she's busy (unlikely if she's interested)
Things that Make a Relationship Work
Hey guys,
Looking back on my 3 year plus relationship hasn't made me by any means a GURU in love, but reading this article, I kinda felt the need to come up with my very own list. This list is borne out of my own personal experience, and by no means prescriptive to all reading this. I think it's really dependent on the type of partner you're with.
For my list, it's the most applicable to the Alpha Male, Type A, MCP kind. This description is NOT derogatory in any form, its just a label I've put on my partner. (which he prolly agrees to as well)
Things that Make a Relationship Work
1. If the hard approach doesn't work, try the soft one.
I used to get really upset with my boyfriend when he sometimes get insensitive with his words in front of his friends (when I'm around). I.e he might say "You're just not smart enough to handle that" or "Your friend so and so is dumb", or sometimes brush of something I say when I'm with his friends.
I would feel disrespected and upset at that situation. However, I've learnt that, as much as you want respect, it's disrespectful to show contempt there and then at him, or sulk the night away in front of his friends, purposefully showing that you're upset at him.
As much as we women have egos, so do men, and my gosh, more often than not they have bigger egos too (unless ur dating a pussy whipped guy). I used to get very peeved off when we were back home and used to be really mean back to him. Time and time again, this has backfired, and it has turned even into a bigger argument in the end. 1 approach that has continually worked is using the "soft" approach. I'll sit him down and talk to him very nicely, telling him that I think his attitude isn't right and end of by not demanding or not being angry at him, but being ultra nice to him. "Pouring burning coal on your enemy's head" does work here and many a times, for me, this method has seemed to work and he softens once I softens. Try it!
2. Hold Hands
If you look at your parents, after 30 years of marriage, how many of them still hold hands when they go out? yea we might cringe at the thought of our parents holding hands, but indeed, that is a basic form of affection. Sometimes, more effective than words, a small squeeze of your partner's hands in worth more than a thousand words.
3. 1 kiss in the morning, and 1 (or more kisses) at night
Don't get me wrong, I'm not the kind for the full out make out sessions, etc. The kind of kiss I'm talking about is the peck on the cheeks, or quick peck on the lips kind. I think it can be the most wonderful sign that 2 people love each other. People say never go to bed angry, but I'm more for "Never go to bed without a kiss".
4. Nick Names/Baby Talking
Some people cringe at hearing couples baby talk or call each other insanely embarrassing nick names. I for 1 cringe at over expressive PDA or baby talking in public. (GET A ROOM!)
But I think nick names are made just in a very endearing way, and as long as used in the comfort of both your personal space, be free to talk in whatever goo goo gaa gaa language you want or call each other whatever name pleases you.
I have a friend who calls his friend "Chou Pi Pi" in public and that translated from chinese means "Smelly fart". I think it's cute, but if the gf obviously doesn't like it then its time to retire it to something she likes more. Remember, nick names are not for shaming a person, its to show affection in an endearing way.
My bf calls me "POO", as in poo for shit. I know, kill me already. But I guess I've never been one to get offended by such things, to me it doesnt matter because he says it in such a cute way, i can't even get angry. (Although I must admit that it is upsetting when his friends start calling me Poo too!!!! WTH!). In return, I call him "Poo" back, so if he doesnt like it, he'll somehow have to stop calling me that. But so far, we have been calling each other "Poo" for the longest time.
I've learnt that if you don't like a nickname you partner gives you and if he's the kind of guy Im dating, if you tell him you dont like it, he will not change immediately. In fact, he will, on the contrary call it more often, for the sake of irritating you. Just dont bother about it, and in sometime, with his short attention span to something, he'll change it (to something else possibly worse! haha, good luck).
5. Laugh
Never be afraid of being silly. That's all I can say. Sometimes, you need to let it all go and be a child, only then will you release the inner child in your partner.
6. Forgive
I think this is something hard to do, especially for heinous "crimes", but forgiveness is key to a strong relationship. When someone is forgiven, he/she will sense the faith you have in that person, and if this person truly wants to be with you, will make amends to mend the relationship. Girls get bitter quite easily, or remember bad things at a snap of a finger (although they never score well in history classes). If you find that you cannot forgive your partner for something he/she has done, its time to move on.
7. Adapt to their LOVE LANGUAGES
I've read Gary Chapman's "5 love languages" once but it has taught me many important lessons about love languages. We all have different love languages and just because your partner doesnt love you in the love language you want, doesnt mean he doesnt love you at all. And by loving him with you love language, it doesnt mean he's feeling loved at all! Irony right, but oh so true.
Take for example, my love language is time spent and acts of service. But my bf's love language is words of affirmation and gifts. By loving him by cooking for him every dinner (acts of service) might not be as effective to him as if you were to say to him at the end of the day "Your such a wonderful bf to come make an effort to come home early every night although I know you're so busy at work. I love you so much". Get it?
Anyway these are my thoughts on love languages. Its best to know what love language your partner finds important so you can show him you love him, the best way he knows how to interpret it. If his love language is (expensive) gifts, then good luck to you. Better head to Singapore's casino more often!!!
8. Cry
Don't be afraid to be vulnerable, you don't have to put up a front all the time. Cry when you're sad. (applies to males too). When you truly open up to a person, that person can understand you for truly who you are (and love you too).
9. Be Supportive
I think this is one of the most critical factors -- being supportive. Everyone out in the dog eat dog world is already out to criticize the hell out of you, so why would you need one more person to? Support fully even though you might not understand, defend your partner when the need arises, and just be there (without nagging).
10. Generosity
With love, gifts, time, with yourself. Splurge now and then, because money is the bank can't buy you love.
Lastly, to all the ladies.... never loose composure... breathe slow...
Looking back on my 3 year plus relationship hasn't made me by any means a GURU in love, but reading this article, I kinda felt the need to come up with my very own list. This list is borne out of my own personal experience, and by no means prescriptive to all reading this. I think it's really dependent on the type of partner you're with.
For my list, it's the most applicable to the Alpha Male, Type A, MCP kind. This description is NOT derogatory in any form, its just a label I've put on my partner. (which he prolly agrees to as well)
Things that Make a Relationship Work
1. If the hard approach doesn't work, try the soft one.
I used to get really upset with my boyfriend when he sometimes get insensitive with his words in front of his friends (when I'm around). I.e he might say "You're just not smart enough to handle that" or "Your friend so and so is dumb", or sometimes brush of something I say when I'm with his friends.
I would feel disrespected and upset at that situation. However, I've learnt that, as much as you want respect, it's disrespectful to show contempt there and then at him, or sulk the night away in front of his friends, purposefully showing that you're upset at him.
As much as we women have egos, so do men, and my gosh, more often than not they have bigger egos too (unless ur dating a pussy whipped guy). I used to get very peeved off when we were back home and used to be really mean back to him. Time and time again, this has backfired, and it has turned even into a bigger argument in the end. 1 approach that has continually worked is using the "soft" approach. I'll sit him down and talk to him very nicely, telling him that I think his attitude isn't right and end of by not demanding or not being angry at him, but being ultra nice to him. "Pouring burning coal on your enemy's head" does work here and many a times, for me, this method has seemed to work and he softens once I softens. Try it!
2. Hold Hands
If you look at your parents, after 30 years of marriage, how many of them still hold hands when they go out? yea we might cringe at the thought of our parents holding hands, but indeed, that is a basic form of affection. Sometimes, more effective than words, a small squeeze of your partner's hands in worth more than a thousand words.
3. 1 kiss in the morning, and 1 (or more kisses) at night
Don't get me wrong, I'm not the kind for the full out make out sessions, etc. The kind of kiss I'm talking about is the peck on the cheeks, or quick peck on the lips kind. I think it can be the most wonderful sign that 2 people love each other. People say never go to bed angry, but I'm more for "Never go to bed without a kiss".
4. Nick Names/Baby Talking
Some people cringe at hearing couples baby talk or call each other insanely embarrassing nick names. I for 1 cringe at over expressive PDA or baby talking in public. (GET A ROOM!)
But I think nick names are made just in a very endearing way, and as long as used in the comfort of both your personal space, be free to talk in whatever goo goo gaa gaa language you want or call each other whatever name pleases you.
I have a friend who calls his friend "Chou Pi Pi" in public and that translated from chinese means "Smelly fart". I think it's cute, but if the gf obviously doesn't like it then its time to retire it to something she likes more. Remember, nick names are not for shaming a person, its to show affection in an endearing way.
My bf calls me "POO", as in poo for shit. I know, kill me already. But I guess I've never been one to get offended by such things, to me it doesnt matter because he says it in such a cute way, i can't even get angry. (Although I must admit that it is upsetting when his friends start calling me Poo too!!!! WTH!). In return, I call him "Poo" back, so if he doesnt like it, he'll somehow have to stop calling me that. But so far, we have been calling each other "Poo" for the longest time.
I've learnt that if you don't like a nickname you partner gives you and if he's the kind of guy Im dating, if you tell him you dont like it, he will not change immediately. In fact, he will, on the contrary call it more often, for the sake of irritating you. Just dont bother about it, and in sometime, with his short attention span to something, he'll change it (to something else possibly worse! haha, good luck).
5. Laugh
Never be afraid of being silly. That's all I can say. Sometimes, you need to let it all go and be a child, only then will you release the inner child in your partner.
6. Forgive
I think this is something hard to do, especially for heinous "crimes", but forgiveness is key to a strong relationship. When someone is forgiven, he/she will sense the faith you have in that person, and if this person truly wants to be with you, will make amends to mend the relationship. Girls get bitter quite easily, or remember bad things at a snap of a finger (although they never score well in history classes). If you find that you cannot forgive your partner for something he/she has done, its time to move on.
7. Adapt to their LOVE LANGUAGES
I've read Gary Chapman's "5 love languages" once but it has taught me many important lessons about love languages. We all have different love languages and just because your partner doesnt love you in the love language you want, doesnt mean he doesnt love you at all. And by loving him with you love language, it doesnt mean he's feeling loved at all! Irony right, but oh so true.
Take for example, my love language is time spent and acts of service. But my bf's love language is words of affirmation and gifts. By loving him by cooking for him every dinner (acts of service) might not be as effective to him as if you were to say to him at the end of the day "Your such a wonderful bf to come make an effort to come home early every night although I know you're so busy at work. I love you so much". Get it?
Anyway these are my thoughts on love languages. Its best to know what love language your partner finds important so you can show him you love him, the best way he knows how to interpret it. If his love language is (expensive) gifts, then good luck to you. Better head to Singapore's casino more often!!!
8. Cry
Don't be afraid to be vulnerable, you don't have to put up a front all the time. Cry when you're sad. (applies to males too). When you truly open up to a person, that person can understand you for truly who you are (and love you too).
9. Be Supportive
I think this is one of the most critical factors -- being supportive. Everyone out in the dog eat dog world is already out to criticize the hell out of you, so why would you need one more person to? Support fully even though you might not understand, defend your partner when the need arises, and just be there (without nagging).
10. Generosity
With love, gifts, time, with yourself. Splurge now and then, because money is the bank can't buy you love.
Lastly, to all the ladies.... never loose composure... breathe slow...
Singapore succeeds at EVERYTHING - except DATING
Yes, it's sad but true. Singaporeans succeed at everything - except dating. Well, not that I had to mention it, but last week, the International Herald Tribune reported this on their Asian highlight. True or not? Well, read on for their argument...
Students at Singapore Polytechnic during a class intended by the government to help set off romance among young people. (Pic taken from The International Herald Tribune)
Students at Singapore Polytechnic during a class intended by the government to help set off romance among young people. (Pic taken from The International Herald Tribune)Well, apparently, as reported, students from Singapore Poly had a sort of "college mixer", to help the males and females interact to boost chances of them dating. They had assembled for the first class of "Love Relations for Life: A Journey of Romance, Love and Sexuality."
The course, which is in its second year at two polytechnic institutes, is the latest of many, mostly futile, campaigns by the government to get its citizens to mate and multiply. Its popularity last year has led to talk of expansion through the higher education system.
Singapore is known for its campaigns to get residents to be polite, to smile, to be tidy, to speak proper English and not to chew gum. In 1984, the country's master planner, then-Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew, declared that too few of the country's most eligible women - the ones with college degrees - were marrying and having children.
The course, which is in its second year at two polytechnic institutes, is the latest of many, mostly futile, campaigns by the government to get its citizens to mate and multiply. Its popularity last year has led to talk of expansion through the higher education system.
"We want to tell students: Don't wait until you have built up your career, SOMETIMES IT'S TOO LATE, ESPECIALLY FOR THE GIRLS"
Yu-Foo Yee Shoon, minister of state for community development, youth and sports, said at a news conference last month.
The courses are an extension of government matchmaking programs that try to address the twin challenges embodied in a falling birthrate: Too few people are having babies and too few of those who are belong to what Singapore considers the genetically desirable educated elite.
For 25 years, the mating rituals organized by the government - tea dances, wine tasting, cooking classes, cruises, screenings of romantic movies - have been among the country's least-successful social engineering programs.
Last year Singapore's fertility rate fell to a record
low of 1.24 children per woman!
"Some people say if you're a smart guy you should marry a smart woman who can help you with your finances and career," said Chan, whose agency is called Club2040 and who has worked under contract for the Social Development Unit.
eStee Thinks: Definitely, couples should complement each other, but having similar interests may not be the be all and end all of a successful relationship. It takes more work than that. I've seen people who complement each other break up down the road and also have seen couples who seem as different as 2 end of the spectrum last a long time as well. It's not cookie cutter!
Three 20-year-old graduates from last year's inaugural course at Singapore Polytechnic still seemed imbued more with "kiasu" than romance.
Despite everything their teachers had told them about multitasking work and love, none was in a relationship. And nothing they had heard in class seemed to have dented their stereotypes about the opposite sex.
"I'm not open to relationships in school. Boys in school are not my cup of tea. They are male chauvinist pigs. They're annoying and childish. And they won't give in to you. They're just not mature." said Wei Shan Koh, a former student who works as a teacher's aide.
eStee Thinks: Well Weishan, I honestly think you're childish too. I know we all talk about equality and all that but if you aren't able to respect a man or give a man the respect he deserves, then you won't go anywhere. As much as women claim to be equals, we have to accept that men can be better than us in certain areas and likewise. If you want to talk so much about chauvinism, then why don't you go enlist yourself into 2 years into the army then come back and act macho...
"I think girls' ideas are a bit childish, or you might say girlie. It's a matter of pride. Guys are more outspoken. We don't like a girl to be more outspoken." said Tian, who hopes to become an engineer.
eStee Thinks: Darling Tian, if you want a girl who talks less than u, then go marry a Barbie Doll k?
Kamal Prakash, who hopes to be a lecturer in mathematics, gave voice to what appears to be the common theme here, both among young people and their elders.
"I am not interested now in love relations because I want to continue my studies. If I concentrate on love relations, I won't be able to concentrate on my studies."
eStee thinks: Every stage of your life, you'll be busy with something. After this, it'll be work. Are you going to say then that you'll wait until you retire before you start scouting? Hun, multi tasking is good practice now for the future...
Singapore's childbearing age, is one of the lowest in the world and the 28th year in a row it has stayed below the rate of 2.5 children needed to maintain the population. But even a replacement-level rate would not be enough for today's planners. The government recently announced that it was aiming to increase the population by 40 percent over the next half century, to 6.5 million from the current 4.5 million.
"Teaching our youth in school how to fall in love" is a good solution, wrote Andy Ho, a senior writer at The Straits Times, a government-friendly newspaper that does its best to help out in Singapore's many campaigns.
In 1991, for example, when the government began
1) offering cash bonuses to couples with more than two children
2) Newspaper printed tips for having sex in the back seat of a car
3) Directions to some of the "darkest, most secluded and most romantic spots" for parking. It suggested covering the windows with newspapers for privacy.
Singapore is known for its campaigns to get residents to be polite, to smile, to be tidy, to speak proper English and not to chew gum. In 1984, the country's master planner, then-Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew, declared that too few of the country's most eligible women - the ones with college degrees - were marrying and having children.
But in Singapore it is impossible to get very far from thoughts of money and the workplace. These guys may have other things on their minds besides romance and babies. :( Thanks to International Tribune for article..
Any bright ideas to help Singaporeans MATE?
WHY some guys BOHJEE : 9eek 9oddess' Theory
For my readers who have already read this post, Ian wrote a rebuttal to this post.
Click HERE to read. If you haven't yet read this post of mine, please read it...
I recently wrote an entry about the sad breakdown of my 1st relationship... which really changed my way of seeing the world. One of my readers commented on it and I would like to give my theory of...
Click HERE to read. If you haven't yet read this post of mine, please read it...
I recently wrote an entry about the sad breakdown of my 1st relationship... which really changed my way of seeing the world. One of my readers commented on it and I would like to give my theory of...
WHY GUYS NEED TO ACT MACHO
So we hear of guys up and leaving their long time gfs for some short whirlwind relationship with some TRAMP.... and we wonder how someone can give up something they took so long to establish. Perhaps they were bored? I don't know, and I can never know. But that's a story for another day.
An anonymous reader commented in my previous post and I quote:
I was extremely flabbergasted by the above sentence, which i put in BOLD...
I believe that the kind of guy who say this can be simply categorized into 2 groups. I will follow to dispense my own theory... which might offend many guys, or you might think it to be myopic, but if you want to argue with it, go write another blog post of your own -- I didn't force you to read mine.
Of course there is another group who will not have the audacity to say such a thing aloud, but still are not willing to commit. These guys are OK in my books, because, you have to give it to them, they have the choice of waiting for the one or looking hard until they are sure. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Back to the above mentioned statement, the 2 groups of guys are...
1. The ones that really mean it
A guy who has said the following comment could really sincerely mean it. Now let's not call him a hypocrite and give him the benefit of the doubt.
What crosses the line for me is the fact that he outrightly says this, in front of his friends.
These dudes truly do not believe in commitment. Because they think they are at the upperhand (which I might admit in most relationship, a girl looses out more), they see themselves as invincible and have the genetically endowed right to play (read: chop off his dick pls!).
These punks, can be further subgrouped into being
a) Very young and immature
I believe that a truly mature guy will not even say or think this. Why, you ask? Because a relationship is based on trust and is mutual. It is not about one person taking advantage of another or fighting to get the upperhand, or seeing who loves who more.
Please give me a break.
If you think you want to dwindle your youth away being a player until you are finally "forced" to commit to one person because your time is up, then I'm sorry hunnybuns, all the best fishes will be taken up and u will be left with not much selection. Then you can start envying your other guys friends who managed to snag their chicks from young and build up a REAL relationship.
Either that, you will find that girls aren't stupid. We actually learn. If we know a guy has had a string of relationship and all of them have ended with him being unfaithful, why the hoot will we want to trust you and start anything with you? Despite that glib of a gap you have, we have much more of a brain than the puny size of your dick.
Conclusion: The guy ends up old and lonely, or if he finally commits when he reaches a ripe old age, it'll be the story of Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall. If you aren't rich when you are old, you can forget about getting some boobs. Yea, you get my drift yea?
b) Jaded
I don't exactly blame a jaded guy for saying this. In fact I want to take him in my bosom, hold him and hug him, while telling him everything will be alright. PUI, PUI, PUI!
But really, these boys (yes I use the word boys, argh perhaps I'm too harsh) probably have been dumped before by some gorgeous girl, whom they thought was the one (and obviously never deserved at all) and left broken to bleed on the shards of glass on his bed of broken love..
Yeap, these guys are in denial, and they "fool" themselves into believing that playing around will prevent them from getting their oh so sorry hearts broken.
Please give me a break.
Conclusion: The guy ends up old and lonely, or if he finally commits when he reaches a ripe old age, it'll be the story of Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall. If you aren't rich when you are old, you can forget about getting some boobs. Yea, you get my drift yea?
c) Never loved before
This is the 3rd subgroup. But I don't really blame them because they have never known what real love is before. They possibly might have been together with a girl before, but never really experienced what being in a REAL relationship is like. Because of their lack of experience in this arena, they "cover" up this insecurity and excuse the fact, or convince themselves, for that matter that single is good, because they can play.
This group is an exception, because I really feel that once they have experience love with someone else, their mindset will change. They only feel this way temporarily and it is born out of pure inexperience.
Conclusion: You never know love until you actually fall in it. Yeap, you fall, you can't control it. You don't walk into love, you fall, and you can't help yourself.
2. Would never cheat on girlfriend
Now I come to the 2nd group of guys. The 2nd group who actually dares to say something like the quoted statement from my reader can only be described with one word.
Yup, you heard me right. He ain't got no balls. The thing is that he already has a gf but is so freaking whipped and henpecked, that in front of her, he has no choice but to act submissive. Well, disclaimer here is that being submissive and being compromising and understanding are VERY different. One cannot be mistaken for the other please. (this will entail another blogpost... BAH)
This dude will have to pretend to be macho in front of his guy pals to "reclaim" his position in his friend's eyes. Perhaps they have long seen him as whipped and to bolster his own self esteem, he has to act out to convince those around him that he still has a shred of di(ck)nity left.
But seriously, he would never dare to cheat on his girlfriend.
Conclusion: BOHJEE guys' friends see through his act. They just ignore him because if they give him problem and his gf finds out, his gf will give this bohjee guy problem. Then his friends will have to find someway of bailing him out (again). Since they are friend enough, they "one ear in, one ear out"...
I don't know how accurate this theory is, but I thought it up on the fly on the way back from my exam hall yesterday. See, I waste all my brain cells to think this up instead of studying.... >_<
An anonymous reader commented in my previous post and I quote:
"Hello estee, I am an occasional follower of your thread, and I couldn't help but share some thoughts with you. You know something? A few days ago, I was catching up with some guy pals, and they said the most insensitive things in my presence, perhaps they thought that a girl who's just 'one of the guys' wouldn't mind. One of the guys commented that his female friend just broke up. This other MCP started the ball rolling by saying that
"You don't know meh? Alot of guys just to have a f**k buddy, you think they really want to stick with their girlfriends faithfully forever meh? Don't be silly lah, s'pore guys won't settle down with the last fling until they reach 35. And never get those clingy GFs, they will commit suicide if you dump them, just get one that you can f**k and dump, who cares about commitment?"
estee, you tell me...very painful to hear right? I suspect alot of guys are like this, well, at least those who look 'passable'. the other option would be the CMI geeks. Tell me, what is a girl to do in sg? How to find a good guy who doesn't have the intention to f**k and dump?...sigh...
I was extremely flabbergasted by the above sentence, which i put in BOLD...
I believe that the kind of guy who say this can be simply categorized into 2 groups. I will follow to dispense my own theory... which might offend many guys, or you might think it to be myopic, but if you want to argue with it, go write another blog post of your own -- I didn't force you to read mine.
Of course there is another group who will not have the audacity to say such a thing aloud, but still are not willing to commit. These guys are OK in my books, because, you have to give it to them, they have the choice of waiting for the one or looking hard until they are sure. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Back to the above mentioned statement, the 2 groups of guys are...
1. The ones that really mean it
A guy who has said the following comment could really sincerely mean it. Now let's not call him a hypocrite and give him the benefit of the doubt.
What crosses the line for me is the fact that he outrightly says this, in front of his friends.
These dudes truly do not believe in commitment. Because they think they are at the upperhand (which I might admit in most relationship, a girl looses out more), they see themselves as invincible and have the genetically endowed right to play (read: chop off his dick pls!).
These punks, can be further subgrouped into being
a) Very young and immature
I believe that a truly mature guy will not even say or think this. Why, you ask? Because a relationship is based on trust and is mutual. It is not about one person taking advantage of another or fighting to get the upperhand, or seeing who loves who more.
Please give me a break.
If you think you want to dwindle your youth away being a player until you are finally "forced" to commit to one person because your time is up, then I'm sorry hunnybuns, all the best fishes will be taken up and u will be left with not much selection. Then you can start envying your other guys friends who managed to snag their chicks from young and build up a REAL relationship.
Either that, you will find that girls aren't stupid. We actually learn. If we know a guy has had a string of relationship and all of them have ended with him being unfaithful, why the hoot will we want to trust you and start anything with you? Despite that glib of a gap you have, we have much more of a brain than the puny size of your dick.
Conclusion: The guy ends up old and lonely, or if he finally commits when he reaches a ripe old age, it'll be the story of Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall. If you aren't rich when you are old, you can forget about getting some boobs. Yea, you get my drift yea?
b) Jaded
I don't exactly blame a jaded guy for saying this. In fact I want to take him in my bosom, hold him and hug him, while telling him everything will be alright. PUI, PUI, PUI!
But really, these boys (yes I use the word boys, argh perhaps I'm too harsh) probably have been dumped before by some gorgeous girl, whom they thought was the one (and obviously never deserved at all) and left broken to bleed on the shards of glass on his bed of broken love..
Yeap, these guys are in denial, and they "fool" themselves into believing that playing around will prevent them from getting their oh so sorry hearts broken.
Please give me a break.
Conclusion: The guy ends up old and lonely, or if he finally commits when he reaches a ripe old age, it'll be the story of Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall. If you aren't rich when you are old, you can forget about getting some boobs. Yea, you get my drift yea?
c) Never loved before
This is the 3rd subgroup. But I don't really blame them because they have never known what real love is before. They possibly might have been together with a girl before, but never really experienced what being in a REAL relationship is like. Because of their lack of experience in this arena, they "cover" up this insecurity and excuse the fact, or convince themselves, for that matter that single is good, because they can play.
This group is an exception, because I really feel that once they have experience love with someone else, their mindset will change. They only feel this way temporarily and it is born out of pure inexperience.
Conclusion: You never know love until you actually fall in it. Yeap, you fall, you can't control it. You don't walk into love, you fall, and you can't help yourself.
2. Would never cheat on girlfriend
Now I come to the 2nd group of guys. The 2nd group who actually dares to say something like the quoted statement from my reader can only be described with one word.
BOH JEE
Yup, you heard me right. He ain't got no balls. The thing is that he already has a gf but is so freaking whipped and henpecked, that in front of her, he has no choice but to act submissive. Well, disclaimer here is that being submissive and being compromising and understanding are VERY different. One cannot be mistaken for the other please. (this will entail another blogpost... BAH)
This dude will have to pretend to be macho in front of his guy pals to "reclaim" his position in his friend's eyes. Perhaps they have long seen him as whipped and to bolster his own self esteem, he has to act out to convince those around him that he still has a shred of di(ck)nity left.
But seriously, he would never dare to cheat on his girlfriend.
Conclusion: BOHJEE guys' friends see through his act. They just ignore him because if they give him problem and his gf finds out, his gf will give this bohjee guy problem. Then his friends will have to find someway of bailing him out (again). Since they are friend enough, they "one ear in, one ear out"...
I don't know how accurate this theory is, but I thought it up on the fly on the way back from my exam hall yesterday. See, I waste all my brain cells to think this up instead of studying.... >_<
2 more papers to go!
Heartbroken... Torn Up... Tired of Tears
When ever I check my facebook, I get a whole list of updates...
Recently a friend, not close at all, broke up with her boyfriend. And it got me thinking about what happened to me years ago, with my first bf. I know I shouldn't always harp on it, I've blogged a trillion times about him, but somehow, when I think of heartbreak, his face appears on in my mind.
I remember thinking he was my first and ONLY love, how silly huh? But then my dreams got shattered when somehow he decided to make a unilateral decision to get out of my life. I was left lost... he left without a tear, and I was broken, because I had all my hopes pinned on him.
I never thought I'd get over him... the nights I thought I would just disappear into nothingness because of the void he left. The nights I was haunted by his face, the hours I spent next to my phone, waiting for the phone to ring, and when it did, it was never his voice...
And when I see that this friend of mine is going through all this pain... considering the relationship lasted for I'm guessing about 4 plus years, I can't help but feel tears well in my eyes. I've been there, haven't I?
I can seriously never understand how someone can just throw years of time spent together just like that, as if nothing ever happened, throw away and burn years of memories.... how could anyone be human if they did that???? Unless, they never really loved you to begin with???
I know, most of my posts are filled with pink pretty pictures or happiness, but this doesn't warren for one, my emotions run too deep.
Trying to get someone to get over another person truly is easier said than done. I remember it being almost impossible. And when I met the girl whom my ex left me for, I distinctly remember thinking to myself, that she was so different from me. I didn't hate her, I wasn't envious. In fact I was curious.... What made him leave? Was I not good enough... I remember this girl to be pretty and quite a charmer, party animal and all... and I never fitted that mould. Perhaps I was too boring and cookie cutter?
The thing about girls is that we go on and on, blaming ourselves sometimes for the disintegration of a relationship... was it me? what did I do wrong? Why wasn't I better? And you know what? You just have to tell yourself to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Especially when the other person left because he just didn't know what he had then and there. Perhaps, he wanted wings to fly.... perhaps he just wanted more fun.
But now years later, when I look back, I can swear that I say this with no tinge of sour grape-ness, I'm glad it's over. We are now so different, we've chosen completely different paths, different goals and different visions. And I'm just so glad he walked away because through the pain I learnt what I really wanted (or didn't want) in a guy..
On hindsight, I'm really glad I walked the path I did because if not for that, I would never have been as happy as I am today and I wouldn't be able to meet someone new. Someone who knows how to love me the way I want to be loved. Most importantly, someone I can trust.
For all those heartbroken souls, things happen for a purpose, and years later when you look back, you're going to smile on your hurt.
Recently a friend, not close at all, broke up with her boyfriend. And it got me thinking about what happened to me years ago, with my first bf. I know I shouldn't always harp on it, I've blogged a trillion times about him, but somehow, when I think of heartbreak, his face appears on in my mind.
I remember thinking he was my first and ONLY love, how silly huh? But then my dreams got shattered when somehow he decided to make a unilateral decision to get out of my life. I was left lost... he left without a tear, and I was broken, because I had all my hopes pinned on him.
He wasn't perfect, but he was perfect for me -- or so I thought.
I never thought I'd get over him... the nights I thought I would just disappear into nothingness because of the void he left. The nights I was haunted by his face, the hours I spent next to my phone, waiting for the phone to ring, and when it did, it was never his voice...
I remember being haunted by the thoughts of how I was EVER going to find someone again...
And when I see that this friend of mine is going through all this pain... considering the relationship lasted for I'm guessing about 4 plus years, I can't help but feel tears well in my eyes. I've been there, haven't I?
I can seriously never understand how someone can just throw years of time spent together just like that, as if nothing ever happened, throw away and burn years of memories.... how could anyone be human if they did that???? Unless, they never really loved you to begin with???
I know, most of my posts are filled with pink pretty pictures or happiness, but this doesn't warren for one, my emotions run too deep.
Trying to get someone to get over another person truly is easier said than done. I remember it being almost impossible. And when I met the girl whom my ex left me for, I distinctly remember thinking to myself, that she was so different from me. I didn't hate her, I wasn't envious. In fact I was curious.... What made him leave? Was I not good enough... I remember this girl to be pretty and quite a charmer, party animal and all... and I never fitted that mould. Perhaps I was too boring and cookie cutter?
The thing about girls is that we go on and on, blaming ourselves sometimes for the disintegration of a relationship... was it me? what did I do wrong? Why wasn't I better? And you know what? You just have to tell yourself to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Especially when the other person left because he just didn't know what he had then and there. Perhaps, he wanted wings to fly.... perhaps he just wanted more fun.
I don't know how to comfort a heartbroken person so much, but I can surely say that I've had my fair share of heartbreaks.
But now years later, when I look back, I can swear that I say this with no tinge of sour grape-ness, I'm glad it's over. We are now so different, we've chosen completely different paths, different goals and different visions. And I'm just so glad he walked away because through the pain I learnt what I really wanted (or didn't want) in a guy..
On hindsight, I'm really glad I walked the path I did because if not for that, I would never have been as happy as I am today and I wouldn't be able to meet someone new. Someone who knows how to love me the way I want to be loved. Most importantly, someone I can trust.
For all those heartbroken souls, things happen for a purpose, and years later when you look back, you're going to smile on your hurt.
Keep your head high!
5 Reasons Why Couples FIGHT... and BREAK UP
No, I'm no LOVE guru, hardly am close to one, but over the last week or so, I've encountered friends of mine, either having HUGEASS arguments with their partners leading to MAKE UPs or, unfortunately BREAK UPs.
And I've spent a huge portion of my time, lamenting at the outcome of their fights, and wondering why people just can't seem to solve their differences. - if they claim their love for each other is as deep as the valleys.
Like I said, I'm no guru, but from my (little, almost) experience, I hope to shed a bit of light.
1) Misaligned expectations
I remember distinctly with my first boyfriend, we used to fight because I felt I spent too little time with him. He used to like hanging out with his guy friends over me (or so I thought, but hey I was right OK). As a result, I felt neglected and hated playing 2nd fiddle to his friends. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hated hanging out with his friends or anything, but it's just he very neatly dichotomized "me" time and "guy friends" time. There was no intersection, whatsoever. Thus since I always expected to spend #XX days with this fella a week, I would end up spending only #XX-Y time with him, which fueled my frustrations and when I vented it out, he would get upset and distance himself. He reasoned that I should not demand for that much of his time.... Thus the slow decomposition of our relationship -- he really broke my (very fragile) heart. But alas, first love is always the most memorable right?
Lesson Learnt: Set expectations right concerning things which matter
If you're unhappy about spending insufficient time with someone, set things straight. For example, I find setting a schedule formal but very effective. Say for example, make things clear like "Will it be OK if we spend every SAT and FRI evening together and the rest of the time, we can plan on the fly?" This ensures that your expectations are in sync and if one needs to back out before hand, it is common courtesy to give advance warning (instead of pulling out last minute)...
2) Different LOVE languagesI commonly hear girls saying, "He NEVER buys me anything... he's so cheapskate. I don't think he loves me anymore". Now dear dear, I pretty much laugh at that! What she doesn't see is the fact he drives her around and picks her up from work and always hugs her and kiss her!
Lesson Learnt: Understand your partner's LOVE language
Chapman's 5 love languages include: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, physical touch. Different people show love and expect love to be showed in different ways. And because of point #1, misaligned expectations, we expect our partners to show love the way we THINK love should be shown. Very often, we are different, so understanding someone else's love language can go along way...
E.g., My father is not a gift person but he is an acts of service person to my mom, and my mom is a gifts person - they've been married for almost 30 yrs!
3) Unwillingness to Compromise
Admittedly, this is a huge issue for me. People tell em I'm stubborn and hell yeah I am. I like to say what I like and I like what I say (tongue twister hey?) Many of my fights have started and brewed because of an unwillingness for either party to back down and admit their fault. (many times both of them are wrong).
Lesson Learnt: Don't force your opinions down someone else's throat
There is such a thing as "ageeing to disagree". I know, I know, it sounds so oxymoronic, but that's what it exactly means. Differences in opinions may never converge but perhaps, convergence is not the main aim. Maybe what would be a more plausible solution is to respect what the other person is saying and think of a second what the other person means. Then try to integrate some parts of it into your own viewpoint. You don't have to swallow everything, that's not compromise! Oh yes, saying sorry often helps.
Sometimes I often apologize for having the fight escalating to a certain level, so I apologize for the fight ensueing but give no apology for the reasont he fight started. So far that has never worked before though, haha someone help?
4) Lack of communication (Assumptions)
"I thought you would understand my actions", "I thought you knew me better than that", "I though you would know that I was feeling that way" FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. The men do not get it. They do not know or understand -- stop assuming they do.
Lesson Learnt: TALK, TALK, TALK (speak up, dammit)
They just don't. Men, unlike women, need things spelt out for them. Don't expect them to be extra sweet because you think they know you had a bad day at work. Men DO NOT have ANTENNA of any sort. In fact, if you want something, ask for it. If you expect anything, tell him. Please, don't be such a goondo and get your heart broken due to assumptions. Men's brains aren't hardwired to predict the future a.k.a more often then not they are insensitive... (there I said it, no reproach pls!)
Sometimes females just need to S-P-E-L-L T-H-I-N-G-S O-U-T!!!
5) Lack of LAUGHS
Do you know that the hormone "oxytocin" gets produced everytime we hahahaahahehehahaha? Yes that's right. It's the hormone implicated for the bonding between a child and a mother during breastfeeding. Oxytocin helps to create a bond and increase love between 2 people. Indeed, yes it is also the hormone that causes an orgasm in females. So throw that vibrator away and start watching comedies -- I swear by "Kids says the darndest things", "Just for laughs", and the very old school "Friends" and "Seinfield".
Lesson Learnt: Learn to laugh at the simplest things
A laugh a day keeps the doctor away. Yeap, you don't need an apple anymore if you begin to laugh at yourself, and the both of you. You'll never realise how silly things can get once you start thinking about things.
Happy HAHA-ING! Here's wishing you couples success in whatever you endeavour! CHEERS!
Is your BOYFRIEND always JEALOUS? Here's why...
Have you ever wondered why your boyfriend is so easily jealous?
You go out with your friends and he thinks you're going out with some other guy. Even if it's just for a while, he can't seem to trust you... or let you out of his sight.. I HAVE THE ANSWER FOR YOU!
Well, on the flip side, for that matter, jealousy probably can also be tagged to your girlfriend (if your a male and reading this), but in your case, unfortunately, I can't explain why...
I used to have a bf who got jealous very easily. I remember I couldn't even so much as talk to his friends without getting accused for flirting. Perhaps then I was young - yes only 17 - and thinking that I was invincible. Sometimes, his petty little tantrums about my apparent flirtatiousness got me irked, especially if it lead to a full blown fight. But at the back of my mind I didn't mind too much -- at least to me, it was a sign of love. Yes, I know I'm warped but how you you know if your bf loves you if he doesn't give a flying ratsass about you hanging out with "competitors"?
Then my 2nd bf was pretty lasaire fair - but this is a totally new blog page/chapter altogether...
Now let's go on to explain your bf's jealousy...
A recent report on BBC news on the 12 March this year claimed that studies showed that...
Short men 'are the most jealous
Yup, you heard/read me right...
You go out with your friends and he thinks you're going out with some other guy. Even if it's just for a while, he can't seem to trust you... or let you out of his sight.. I HAVE THE ANSWER FOR YOU!
Well, on the flip side, for that matter, jealousy probably can also be tagged to your girlfriend (if your a male and reading this), but in your case, unfortunately, I can't explain why...
I used to have a bf who got jealous very easily. I remember I couldn't even so much as talk to his friends without getting accused for flirting. Perhaps then I was young - yes only 17 - and thinking that I was invincible. Sometimes, his petty little tantrums about my apparent flirtatiousness got me irked, especially if it lead to a full blown fight. But at the back of my mind I didn't mind too much -- at least to me, it was a sign of love. Yes, I know I'm warped but how you you know if your bf loves you if he doesn't give a flying ratsass about you hanging out with "competitors"?
Then my 2nd bf was pretty lasaire fair - but this is a totally new blog page/chapter altogether...
Now let's go on to explain your bf's jealousy...
A recent report on BBC news on the 12 March this year claimed that studies showed that...
Short men 'are the most jealous
Yup, you heard/read me right...
Short men are the most likely to be jealous, scientists believe.
** disclaimer: by short I'm assuming it means short as in height and not otherwise...***
Spanish and Dutch researchers quizzed 549 men and women to rate how jealous they felt and to identify the qualities that made them feel the most insecure.
Men felt most nervous about attractive, rich and strong rivals, but the taller ones were the most relaxed, the New Scientist magazine reported.
Women were most jealous of others' beauty and charm - with short and tall women the most jealous.
Average-height women, while being the least jealous, were mostly likely to feel insecure by women who were of a different height.
Jealousy is a type of fear
Simon Gelsthorpe, of the British Psychological Society
The report, produced by the universities of Groningen and Valencia, said women with average height tended to be more fertile and healthy and, as a result, would be unlikely to be jealous of women with similar attributes.
Instead, the researchers added, the findings showed they would be more jealous of taller women possessing masculine features such as physical dominance and social status.
Meanwhile, the report, originally featured in the journal of Evolution and Human Behaviour, said taller men may be less jealous because male height is associated with attractiveness, dominance and reproductive success.
The researchers said the animal kingdom illustrated this where larger males were likely to win fights and obtain dominance and monopolise access to females.
They said in humans height was one of the first features others notice and was therefore associated with status.
They pointed to previous research which showed taller men were likely to be more successful in their careers, earn more and have more attractive girlfriends.
How Fertilie R U?
Lead researcher Abraham Buunk said this research now showed that taller men enjoyed psychological advantages as well.
"The present findings suggest that height may have important psychological consequences."
But psychologists said there were other factors that played a role in jealousy.
Simon Gelsthorpe, of the British Psychological Society, said: "Jealousy is a type of fear. It is about being afraid you are going to lose someone you love.
"One of the key components is self-esteem and obviously height is related to this but then so may other characteristics such as baldness.
"Another key element is how strong the relationship is."
In my opinion, I think a bit of jealousy is better than none at all. At least he notices you.
What MEN REALLY Want & What WOMEN REALLY NEED
Im sure I'm going to be slammed a great deal for this. Otherwise, I will be thanked profusely for dispensing this information. What do men really want in a woman, and what do woman really need. (Many lie about what they need so to seem less "materialistic" or "shallow")
I've had many arguments with fellow friends about this touchy issue. The bottomline I get told time and time again is that WOMEN WANT MONEY/POWER, which translates into rich and powerful men. On the other hand, men want beautiful, and attractive women.
ARE WOMEN THAT MATERIALISTIC AND ARE MEN REALLY THAT SHALLOW?
I still continually debate this issue but recently, I was sent this email directing me to this link, which I was so engrossed in reading I actually missed a class. Thanks to Tim for sending Ming this link! And for Ming for sending it to me! Because of this, I have been debating with my friends over this issue for the last couple of days!
Welcome to your introductory class on the LADDER THEORY. I shall now attempt to summarize it for you people.
Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.
Point One: Every time you meet someone you give them a quick mental rating. This rating is dependent of whether you are female or male.
This is the WOMEN'S Rating system
This is the MEN's
Now the ladder theory description goes like this:
- Bob Meets Jane
- Bob sizes her up based on the above criterion
- Bob puts her on the ladder
- Bob meets Connie
- Bob sizes her up based on the above criterion
- Bob puts her on the ladder above Jane
You can recognize this has gone on because Bob says " I'd like to fuck Jane, but not as much as I want to fuck Connie"
Need me to elaborate? Well, the WOMEN'S rating can actually be broken down more specifically. The author says: Most guys know that women dig guys with money. Would Donald Trump be fucking models if he wasn't rich? That question is rhetorical. Now I don't even believe this is wrong, I think it is just nature. But I also think women who are this way (and it is almost all of you) should be honest and admit that they are basically whores, and stop saying bad things about the so-called "actual whores" who are just trying to earn an honest living.
Most women read this and say something like, "Well I'm not the average woman because.. blah... blah... not true... blah blah... my boyfriend/lover/husband/masseuse was poor... blah... blah."
If you thought something like this you are very likely the average woman. If you read it and went "Hmmm..." and then you went back to doing physics, then you have a case.
Looks are not to be discounted. I see many girls revert to about a seventh grade emotional level when they see some guy at the club, or some guy from a crappy movie. I think everyone has seen this phenomena, and it seems to have become an alarming trend in women of increasing age.
The attraction category is broken down further in the next section. This is a change from previous versions of the ladder theory that included looks here instead of attraction. I feel this is a more accurate depiction, as evidenced by experiment and peer review.
The last 10% was my effort to give women the benefit of the doubt. A common question men ask of women is "Tell me what you want in a man?", which is like asking how many guys she's slept with, an invitation to be lied to. Because she'll almost invariably answer with some combination of
- sense of humor
- intelligence
- sensitivity
- emotional stability
As far as I can tell this is mostly rubbish. But in an effort to be fair I have included this, since there seem to be a few rare cases of this. Just none that I have ever seen.
Another thing to watch out for is the code words women use. Here is a translation guide for dealing with women.
Says: I want a man who is motivated and has goals.
Means: I want a rich man
Says: I want a man who knows how to treat a woman.
Means: I want a rich man
Says: He's from a really good family.
Means: He's from a really rich family.
I'm sure you get the point. Let's move on.
Physical Attraction/Looks - This is still a big factor in attraction. This is self-explanatory.
Competition - I almost titled this section disinterest. The two are closely related. We can only pursue what runs away from us. A man who is devoted to something else besides the woman is autmatically more attractive. Any intellectual whore who has ever listened to a girl complain about how her boyfriend-ran-off-with-a-slut or how her boyfriend-is-really-not-dumb-he's-just-streetsmart-and-he- has-to-sell-weed-to-support-his-baby's-mama or he's-really-nice-even-though-he-ignores-me-and-hits-me-sometimes-but-you-don't- know-what-he's-like-when-we're-alone or he's-not-emotionally-available-that's-why-I-like-talk-to-you-until-it's-time-to-go-fuck-him while he himself is sitting right there and would like nothing better than to be with her but of course is sitting solidly on the friends ladder knows this intuitively. Ultimately, almost all guys learn this truth for themselves: The best way to never score with a woman is to show too much interest in her.
Women seem to especially like it if you are more devoted to your bad music, biker gang, forearm tattoo or marijuana. These all seem to work wonders. There are some interests you can show in a woman that will help you to fuck her: a healthy interest in destroying her self-esteem and in fucking her friends more than her seem to work wonders. Note that the following topics of disinterest have been field tested and shown conclusively not to work: Unix, literature, poetry, international politics, and sodomy.
Novelty - Let's face it, if you're like every other guy who works a normal job and tries to live a good life, you're probably like just about every other guy. Chicks don't dig this, and why would they? Who wants someone who is just like everyone else? Something different is more attractive. Like someone who does not have to work during the day like most people because they have lots of money from business or selling drugs. Or like someone who has stabbed a man and went to prison for it. Different and a veritable ticket to getting laid.
Deconstructing money/power
"Power is a great aphrodesiac" - Notorious Asshole and War Criminal Henry Kissinger"A woman's test is material. A man's test is a woman...if a man could fuck in a cardboard box, he wouldn't buy a house." - Rabbi Dave Chappelle
It was previously assumed that money was a fundamental unit of attraction to a woman. Further investigation has revealed a better understanding of this very important piece of the woman's rating system. The piece which was formerly labelled money has been replaced by a money/power paradigm. The two are almost always intertwined in a way that makes them hard to distinguish, so I don't think it productive to make a chart of how they breakdown exactly. One almost always follows the other in any case.
What is important to know about the money/power piece is that previously it was thought of as static. Now we know that the money/power piece of attraction displays time-variance. That is, the amount of money needed to get maximal "points" in the money category varies according to the age of the woman. When a woman is younger her perspective is different as to what makes a lot of money. As she gets older the amount of money neccessary for full points increases.
For a girl of 16 full points for money might be obtained by having access to a car and beer money. When she is in her early college years, a nicer car and enough money to join a fraternity is probably sufficient. As she advances into her twenties what we consider to be the normal money chart will begin to manifest itself -- that is, she'll want the richest man she can get.
At no point that we can discern does money ever not become a factor. Take any guy. Take a woman that has that guy. In no circumstance that is known would she not rather have a guy just like that, but with more money. Actually, maybe in one circumstance -- when the guy has enough money to buy her basically everything she wants. This is self-evident, I should think.
Dreams of a Final Theory
I think is very very close to a final analysis of how a woman's rating system works. If you are very attractive, rich, and novel and show no interest in her she is almost guaranteed to want to fuck you. Indeed, isn't this the very definition of Alpha Male? In this way we have derived from our theoretical framework an idea that agrees with observation and experiment to many degrees of accuracy. It also provides a frameowrk for the Logic. Strive to be attractive, novel and aloof and you will go far.Construction of the Ladder
Now for the core of the theory. Since everyone you meet has a rating, it is only natural to stack them up on a ladder. Let's look at the ladder of some example man.
So it should be self-evident, if you are following this at all, that the people you want to have sex with the most will be at the top of the ladder. Descending down to the bottom of the ladder we pass the following people:
- The people we really want, who may even be out of our league, are on top
- Then come the people we like
- Moving further down we pass the people who we would fuck if we were intoxicated and would admit to doing it later.
- At the bottom are the people we would fuck drunk, and would lie about doing it later.
Clinging to the bottom are the girls that are wolf ugly. These are women so ugly you would chew your own arm off to get away rather than fuck them. Usually fake teeth, or the loss of several hundred pounds can move a woman up from wolf ugly.
Now let's take a look at what the typical woman's ladder looks like:
The first thing to notice here is that a woman has not one ,but two ladders. This is becasue in addition the normal ladder, a woman also has a friends ladder. The friends ladder is where a woman puts guys that she considers "just friends". More to the point where she puts guys who don't get to have sex with her.
The problem arises because a woman never lets a guy know which ladder he is on. Obviously there is a huge difference, or gap between these two ladders. It is in this gap that kisses of death are delivered and intellectual whores are made. All a man can do is "go for it" and make a move on a girl; ask her out, try to kiss her, write her a love note or whatever. If he's on the good ladder fine. If he is on the friends ladder this is a case of ladder jumping. The man is trying to jump the gap from the friends ladder to the real ladder. The girl has two choices at this point: she can let him on the ladder and all is well, or, more likely, she can kick him in the head, and off the ladder. If you look you'll see that below the ladder is the Abyss(what was it Nietzsche said about a man being on a rope stretched over an Abyss?....well it's worse than he thought; there is no rope.) So the man falls into the Abyss. The Abyss isn't really as bad as it sounds. Mostly it's a period of self-loathing, embarrassment, and of course utter awkwardness with the girl in question if they are talking at all.
To fully illustrate the point I'll now examine some common scenarios and their ladder theory explanations. For purposes of these examples Tom will be our boy and Jane will be out girl.
Scenario 1: Tom meets Jane. She's pretty and seems interesting to talk to. Tom and Jane start haging out and talking more and more. Tom develops an attraction to Jane, and one day tries to kiss her. Jane tell Tom she doesn't think of him that way and she wants to remain friends. The next few weeks contact between the two falls off. Jane starts fucking an outlaw biker.
Ladder Theory Explanation: Tom met Jane. Tom was immediately placed on the friends ladder. Tom didn't know this. Tom tried to jump ladders. Jane kicked Tom in the head rather than let him on and sent him hurtling to the Abyss below. The oulaw biker was not on her friends ladder (they never are) but rather on her good ladder.
Scenario 2: Tom meets Jane. She's cute and seems smart. After an appropriate amount of time he asks her out on a date. She acccepts and they have what seems to be a perfectly nice date. Tom thinks he has a chance with Jane. He asks her out again. She says no, either explicitly or by never returning his phone call. Tom has no idea what the Hell just happened. Jane starts fucking an unemployed alcoholic.
Ladder Theory Explanation: Jane misrepresented which ladder Tom was on. He thought he was on the good ladder because of her acceptance of the date. Mistake. This led to an unintentional ladder jump. He was kicked into the Abyss. In this situation, Jane often wants to stay friends becasue you are so interesting and funny or some shit like that. If this happens you are most likely an Intellectual Whore. I'm sorry. This is most likely to be a ninja-bitch.
Scenario 3: A girl says any of the following to you:
- "You're like a brother to me"
- "You're like a big teddy bear"
- "I feel like I can talk to you about anything"
- "You're so nice"
- "Can you help me with my homework"
Ladder Theory Explanation: You are on the friends ladder. So Sorry.
You can see that a lot of problems can be avoided(though sadly not problem two) by declaring as soon as possible to a girl that you will not be friends under any circumstances. You can explain that she is too attractive or you can be blunt and say you don't want to bend your "friends" over a table and fuck them, but would rather play poker and go to the races with them, thus disqualifying her from friendship. As long as you are clear. This may scare a girl away. But if it does what would you want with such a skittish little twit anyway?
Next we'll explore some of the consequences of the ladder and applications in every day life.Hidden Variables in the Ladder
The Ladder Theory is assumed to be correct for all classical phenomena. There do seem to be some "hidden" variables that modify the Ladder to some extent. These variables do not affect the rating system, nor do they affect the fundamental theorems of the Ladder. They do, however, modify how we act with regard to the Ladder.
These are the hidden variables that have been identified.
Religiosity:
While most people, even people who believe in God, will have sex before they are married and thus fall under the rules of the ladder, some people are so religious they will not have sex until they are married. This is of course a silly and anachronistic practice, but it does occur. In this case, the Ladder should me modified as follows: change instances of 'would have sex with' to be 'would like to have sex with.' This works because while religious people have the same impulses, they choose to deny them as opposed to embracing them.
Drunkenness:
Of course when drunk we do things we wouldn't do otherwise. Usually when sobriety sets in, there is a return to the tenets of the ladder theory. In most cases, it should be noted, repressed Americans use being drunk as an excuse to do what they wanted to do anyway, so one should be very careful in applying this variable. For example, I'm drunk as I type this, but I would have typed it anyway, even though I might fall back on that excuse if there are a lot of typos in there or it doens't stand up to peer review. Do not let me get away with this.
Loyalty:
A lot of people have asked about the significant others of friends and if they are special cases of the Ladder. They are not. These are not your friends. These are virtual friends. For example, a friend of mine is fucking a girl. I like her, she's great, we get along, etc... But when they break up she is dead to me. Or if the friend leaves the picture the normal rules of the Ladder apply. So are we really friends? Of course not. We are conditional friends. This does not affect where she goes on the Ladder. Think of it like this: the Ladder is a rating system, and I'll rate her along with everyone else based on how much I would like to fuck them. A note for guys: if your friends girl offers you a piece you should hit that shit, because he shouldn't be laying up with no ho. Ideally you should tape it also, because most guys will believe the person they're fucking.
Desperation:
What desperation does is shift downward the line of quality that one would consider for fucking. There is a line on the ladder that is the quality of the last person you were fucking. Since one of the purposes of life, if not the purpose, is to move up the ladder, you want someone above this line. Sometimes you can't find someone above this line. This leads to a virtual shift in the line downward as one gets more and more in need of a fuck. But in terms of what a person wants, nothing changes -- you'd leave your desperation fuck for someone else with the requisite ladder attributes.
Hidden Variables and Sanity
Note that all known hidden variables are indicative of an altered consciousness of some kind. At the 'limit of sanity' the Classical ladder's rating system still applies. So I don't feel that these change the core theory, but explain times when the theory is not able to be applied because your perception is wrong.
Back to the Beginning: Yes, They All Want to Bang You.
You'll note that a man has one ladder while a female has two. The man is lacking a "friends ladder." The man's ladder reflects the conventional wisdom that a man generally only wants one thing. That's because the conventional wisdom is correct. This leads us back to the conclusion that many women I have explained this to find so distasteful:
IF A MAN FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS
Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases Intellectual Whores has identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:
- The guy is gay
- The guy does not find you attractive.
- The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder
Even Nietzsche knew this. Most guys know this intuitively. Most girls doubt. I have a challenge for all of you girls who still doubt. Pick a guy who does not meet any of the criterion on the above list that you think is your friend. Then ask yourself this question: If you were both alone at his place one night, and you excused yourself to the bathroom and came out naked and asked him to have sex with you would he:
- Tell you he doesn't want to risk the beautiful friendship you have created with messy physical entanglements.
- Comply
Consequences of the Ladder
Toward a Meaning of Life
Convieniently, the ladder theory answers the oft asked question, "What is the purpose of life?" The purpose of life is to move up the ladder. The person you are with now should be better (higher on your ladder) than the person you were last with. Okay it's not perfect but if you have no direction in life, trying to fuck hotter and hotter chicks or richer and richer guys is as good a place as any to start. In addition to giving a good base toward a meaning of life there are a few other things that ladder theory explains.
Topping out the Ladder:
Have you ever seen a guy that was not particularly attractive, rich or muscled yet was with a lovely woman? For most guys the most common reaction is envy, something like "Hey I'm not all that muscled, attractive or rich either. Why can't I be fucking a girl like that?" We at intellectual whores used to feel this way about "stump factor" as well. But then ladder theory was discovered and we realized that it was more rational to pity this man.
Ladder theory tells us that the purpose of life is to move up the ladder. When their relationship ends, he will probably never be able to get another woman as good as the one he is with right now -- the rest of his life he'll likely be striving in vain. In effect, he's doomed the whole rest of his life to meaninglessness unless he marries this girl. This of course is just trading one type of doom for another.
Ladder Disparity
The ladder is obviously a two-way process. When Bob meets Jane he puts her on his ladder and she puts him on her ladder. It often happens that one person is a lot higher on your ladder than you are on theirs, or vice versa. The leads to a situation that looks like this:
Notice that Bob has Jane very low while Bob is very high on Jane's ladder. He is most likely rich and she is most likely ugly. Anyhow this is a classic case of disparity. If we connect the two points we can make a right triangle. The resulting hypotenuse "c" is the magnitude of the disparity. Common shorthand among ladder thoerists is "Well, she caught him fucking a stewardess and didn't leave him but what do you expect for a level 5 disparity." The position of being high on someone else's ladder while having them low on yours is referred to as being in the "upper" or "power" position. This is good and leads to different things depending on who is in the power position.
If the man is in the upper position the disparity is a measure of how long the woman will put up with him cheating, using her physically without committing, or paying his rent and all his bills.
If the woman is in the power position then it is a measure of how much the man will spend money on her, fetch her things at midnight, and listen to stories about other guys she is fucking.
Basically I literally copied everything said on this website because although in the beginning I wanted to paraphrase, I felt anything I added would decrease the quality of content on such a well written theory. There are more sub-theories to this Ladder Theory, so click here to find out!
10 Ways to Know It's LOVE
1. You feel it's no LONGER about you.
Whilst it used to be about "What's for dinner for me tonight?"... it's now changed to "What are we having for dinner tonight". As important as it is to maintain individuality in a relationship -- it's also very much about caring for some other. No longer are u a singular entity. It's "WE" -- your decisions (especially the big ones) affect 2 people.
2. When that person cries, you cry; When he laughs you feel happy
When 2 people are connected so deep;y, it's almost as if your heart is beating as 1.
3. When you have nothing to do, you say a prayer for him.
It's almost as if, you're his guardian angel.
4. When everyone doubts him, you stick by him
For the good, and the bad... and everything in between. Because even if there's no value that anyone sees, you see your knight in shining armour.
5. You can wake up in the morning unglam, but you know he loves u the way u are
It's ok looking all tired and with that bed head look. Afterall, he still gives u a good morning kiss
6. You know he's only a phone call away
He's the "top 3 people you want to call" list when u get good news, or bad. Or even just to talk about nothing at all!
7. You can trust him. You don't have to worry if he'll still be there for u tomorrow, or next month. You just KNOW it.
8. You can give up all your other exes or flings -- in a heartbeat.
Cuz no one else comes close..
9. When you look at him, you look into the future and want to hold his hands.
It doesn't matter how close you are to him, you just want to hold him hands. And squeeze it.
10. He tells you he loves you, without you asking for it.
Your friends know it, and his friends know it too.
Eligible Singaporean Bachelor up for grabs (Nicholas Tse look alike)
Calling ALL single girls of all age, race, size, height etc., I officially announce to one and all, JUNKANG, my very good looking friend who is currently single and VERY eligible. From the photo, you can see he looks like Singapore's very own Nicholas Tse!!
Now Ng Junkang, age 26 is searching for the one... and as I can tell is very very very jaded. From my most recent conversation with him on Saturday, he was busy at work (yes it was a Saturday!!!) and told me work would end in the evening!
Dear me dear my, this guy needs a dampsel in distress to save - and NOW!-
Quote: I work on weekends because I have to and have to rake in the cash
Quote 2: I have no life lah!
Quote 3: My plan is to work real hard, get a lot of money and then find my one true love at 55
Oh and for the record, did I mention that he has his fair share of unglam moments too? (he's human la!!! )
E-mail teo.estee(at)gmail(dot)com for more details... You can help save a life .. and he can save yours! Girls ONLY please...
Do Women REALLY Want Sex as Much as Men? (Video)
SEX is always a heated topic of discussion over which men and women are usually at odds.
Just listen over the shoulders of men and women sitting at the bar. Women wonder why men just don’t understand them sexually. And men wonder why they can’t get more action.
Quite the dilemma, wouldn’t you say?
Here’s the problem…
Most men assume that sex is something that’s to be won over from the women like a special prize. They seem to think that women don’t want sex as much as they do, because of the incredible lack of response they get from women.
Could it be possible that women really don’t want sex as much as men?
By the way, can you count how many times Dan says sex in this short segment?
On a lighter or probably heavier note:
With online dating sites, social networking sites, video chat rooms, email and instant messengers, it’s easier than ever to meet someone, have an affair - and get away with it.
Check out these really scary statistics from CheaterCheckers.com.
* 1 in 2 people in a relationship cheat on their partner
* 9 out of 10 women who feel their partner is cheating are correct
* 50% of men who feel their partner is cheating are correct
* 57% of women cheat on their partner
* 3 in 4 married men cheat on their partner
* 2 out of 3 people being cheated on never find out
If you’re like me, you know that people cheat, but those numbers are much, much, much higher than I ever would have guessed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)