Recently a friend, not close at all, broke up with her boyfriend. And it got me thinking about what happened to me years ago, with my first bf. I know I shouldn't always harp on it, I've blogged a trillion times about him, but somehow, when I think of heartbreak, his face appears on in my mind.
I remember thinking he was my first and ONLY love, how silly huh? But then my dreams got shattered when somehow he decided to make a unilateral decision to get out of my life. I was left lost... he left without a tear, and I was broken, because I had all my hopes pinned on him.
He wasn't perfect, but he was perfect for me -- or so I thought.
I never thought I'd get over him... the nights I thought I would just disappear into nothingness because of the void he left. The nights I was haunted by his face, the hours I spent next to my phone, waiting for the phone to ring, and when it did, it was never his voice...
I remember being haunted by the thoughts of how I was EVER going to find someone again...
And when I see that this friend of mine is going through all this pain... considering the relationship lasted for I'm guessing about 4 plus years, I can't help but feel tears well in my eyes. I've been there, haven't I?
I can seriously never understand how someone can just throw years of time spent together just like that, as if nothing ever happened, throw away and burn years of memories.... how could anyone be human if they did that???? Unless, they never really loved you to begin with???
I know, most of my posts are filled with pink pretty pictures or happiness, but this doesn't warren for one, my emotions run too deep.
Trying to get someone to get over another person truly is easier said than done. I remember it being almost impossible. And when I met the girl whom my ex left me for, I distinctly remember thinking to myself, that she was so different from me. I didn't hate her, I wasn't envious. In fact I was curious.... What made him leave? Was I not good enough... I remember this girl to be pretty and quite a charmer, party animal and all... and I never fitted that mould. Perhaps I was too boring and cookie cutter?
The thing about girls is that we go on and on, blaming ourselves sometimes for the disintegration of a relationship... was it me? what did I do wrong? Why wasn't I better? And you know what? You just have to tell yourself to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Especially when the other person left because he just didn't know what he had then and there. Perhaps, he wanted wings to fly.... perhaps he just wanted more fun.
I don't know how to comfort a heartbroken person so much, but I can surely say that I've had my fair share of heartbreaks.
But now years later, when I look back, I can swear that I say this with no tinge of sour grape-ness, I'm glad it's over. We are now so different, we've chosen completely different paths, different goals and different visions. And I'm just so glad he walked away because through the pain I learnt what I really wanted (or didn't want) in a guy..
On hindsight, I'm really glad I walked the path I did because if not for that, I would never have been as happy as I am today and I wouldn't be able to meet someone new. Someone who knows how to love me the way I want to be loved. Most importantly, someone I can trust.
For all those heartbroken souls, things happen for a purpose, and years later when you look back, you're going to smile on your hurt.
Keep your head high!