WHY some guys BOHJEE : 9eek 9oddess' Theory

For my readers who have already read this post, Ian wrote a rebuttal to this post.

Click HERE to read. If you haven't yet read this post of mine, please read it...


I recently wrote an entry about the sad breakdown of my 1st relationship... which really changed my way of seeing the world. One of my readers commented on it and I would like to give my theory of...

WHY GUYS NEED TO ACT MACHO

So we hear of guys up and leaving their long time gfs for some short whirlwind relationship with some TRAMP.... and we wonder how someone can give up something they took so long to establish. Perhaps they were bored? I don't know, and I can never know. But that's a story for another day.

An anonymous reader commented in my previous post and I quote:

"Hello estee, I am an occasional follower of your thread, and I couldn't help but share some thoughts with you. You know something? A few days ago, I was catching up with some guy pals, and they said the most insensitive things in my presence, perhaps they thought that a girl who's just 'one of the guys' wouldn't mind. One of the guys commented that his female friend just broke up. This other MCP started the ball rolling by saying that

"You don't know meh? Alot of guys just to have a f**k buddy, you think they really want to stick with their girlfriends faithfully forever meh? Don't be silly lah, s'pore guys won't settle down with the last fling until they reach 35. And never get those clingy GFs, they will commit suicide if you dump them, just get one that you can f**k and dump, who cares about commitment?"

estee, you tell me...very painful to hear right? I suspect alot of guys are like this, well, at least those who look 'passable'. the other option would be the CMI geeks. Tell me, what is a girl to do in sg? How to find a good guy who doesn't have the intention to f**k and dump?...sigh...

I was extremely flabbergasted by the above sentence, which i put in BOLD...

I believe that the kind of guy who say this can be simply categorized into 2 groups. I will follow to dispense my own theory... which might offend many guys, or you might think it to be myopic, but if you want to argue with it, go write another blog post of your own -- I didn't force you to read mine.

Of course there is another group who will not have the audacity to say such a thing aloud, but still are not willing to commit. These guys are OK in my books, because, you have to give it to them, they have the choice of waiting for the one or looking hard until they are sure. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Back to the above mentioned statement, the 2 groups of guys are...


1. The ones that really mean it


A guy who has said the following comment could really sincerely mean it. Now let's not call him a hypocrite and give him the benefit of the doubt.

What crosses the line for me is the fact that he outrightly says this, in front of his friends.

These dudes truly do not believe in commitment. Because they think they are at the upperhand (which I might admit in most relationship, a girl looses out more), they see themselves as invincible and have the genetically endowed right to play (read: chop off his dick pls!).

These punks, can be further subgrouped into being

a) Very young and immature


I believe that a truly mature guy will not even say or think this. Why, you ask? Because a relationship is based on trust and is mutual. It is not about one person taking advantage of another or fighting to get the upperhand, or seeing who loves who more.

Please give me a break.


If you think you want to dwindle your youth away being a player until you are finally "forced" to commit to one person because your time is up, then I'm sorry hunnybuns, all the best fishes will be taken up and u will be left with not much selection. Then you can start envying your other guys friends who managed to snag their chicks from young and build up a REAL relationship.

Either that, you will find that girls aren't stupid. We actually learn. If we know a guy has had a string of relationship and all of them have ended with him being unfaithful, why the hoot will we want to trust you and start anything with you? Despite that glib of a gap you have, we have much more of a brain than the puny size of your dick.

Conclusion: The guy ends up old and lonely, or if he finally commits when he reaches a ripe old age, it'll be the story of Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall. If you aren't rich when you are old, you can forget about getting some boobs. Yea, you get my drift yea?


b) Jaded

I don't exactly blame a jaded guy for saying this. In fact I want to take him in my bosom, hold him and hug him, while telling him everything will be alright. PUI, PUI, PUI!

But really, these boys (yes I use the word boys, argh perhaps I'm too harsh) probably have been dumped before by some gorgeous girl, whom they thought was the one (and obviously never deserved at all) and left broken to bleed on the shards of glass on his bed of broken love..

Yeap, these guys are in denial, and they "fool" themselves into believing that playing around will prevent them from getting their oh so sorry hearts broken.

Please give me a break.

Conclusion: The guy ends up old and lonely, or if he finally commits when he reaches a ripe old age, it'll be the story of Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall. If you aren't rich when you are old, you can forget about getting some boobs. Yea, you get my drift yea?


c) Never loved before

This is the 3rd subgroup. But I don't really blame them because they have never known what real love is before. They possibly might have been together with a girl before, but never really experienced what being in a REAL relationship is like. Because of their lack of experience in this arena, they "cover" up this insecurity and excuse the fact, or convince themselves, for that matter that single is good, because they can play.

This group is an exception, because I really feel that once they have experience love with someone else, their mindset will change. They only feel this way temporarily and it is born out of pure inexperience.

Conclusion: You never know love until you actually fall in it. Yeap, you fall, you can't control it. You don't walk into love, you fall, and you can't help yourself.


2. Would never cheat on girlfriend


Now I come to the 2nd group of guys. The 2nd group who actually dares to say something like the quoted statement from my reader can only be described with one word.

BOH JEE

Yup, you heard me right. He ain't got no balls. The thing is that he already has a gf but is so freaking whipped and henpecked, that in front of her, he has no choice but to act submissive. Well, disclaimer here is that being submissive and being compromising and understanding are VERY different. One cannot be mistaken for the other please. (this will entail another blogpost... BAH)

This dude will have to pretend to be macho in front of his guy pals to "reclaim" his position in his friend's eyes. Perhaps they have long seen him as whipped and to bolster his own self esteem, he has to act out to convince those around him that he still has a shred of di(ck)nity left.

But seriously, he would never dare to cheat on his girlfriend.

Conclusion: BOHJEE guys' friends see through his act. They just ignore him because if they give him problem and his gf finds out, his gf will give this bohjee guy problem. Then his friends will have to find someway of bailing him out (again). Since they are friend enough, they "one ear in, one ear out"...


I don't know how accurate this theory is, but I thought it up on the fly on the way back from my exam hall yesterday. See, I waste all my brain cells to think this up instead of studying.... >_<


2 more papers to go!

48 comments:

Lupin Tan said...

Haha, Wasted brain cell on it. Go back study lor!

eStee said...

lupin: oei, i spent at least half an hour thinking about this and like an hour over writing ok. WHy.. u feeling guilty i writing about u ah?

Lupin Tan said...

Ha, Since I neber had a gf before so all the above scenario don't applys. Hehehe

Aza Aza Fighting for your papers!!!

I only skimmed through, I feel it's abit too generalising, There are good guys (singaporean) out there, you ladies had to look harder.

Ming Zearl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cometh said...

Woh, the way you put it.

BOHJEE die, WUJEE also die.

Anyhow also die.

See, how difficult it is for us guys.. =p

eStee said...

Lupin: yea la.. of coz a lot of singaporean guys are good. I'm writing this blog targetted at only the guys who dare to outrightly say they dowan to commit until 35. They want to just get fresh with a girl and dump them. That's disgusting.

eStee said...

cometh: no no no only those guys who dare to outrightly say they want to flirt and get fresh then dump... and commit only after 35 yr old DIE. the rest ok, the rest good guys.

nicelegs said...

hmm.. the jaded part is interesting.. haha

eStee said...

nicelegs: it's not interesting, it's TRUE!

Aaron said...

Now estee...

you know that you've barely touched on half the guys in Sunny Singapore.

Don't fall into the mistake of generalizing all of them, its like me saying most Singaporean Girls are materialistic, selfish and not are a dead fish in bed (which i know are not true).

Also, you forgot about subcategories like guys who never gets a gf because they're waiting for the 'right one', and guys who don't have the guts to approach..

There's so much more for you to touch on.

Still, an entertaining read :)

eStee said...

aaron:

read properly la dude. I did write also about guys who are non commital because they are waiting for the right one. Plus this post is only about guys who dare to outrightly say they want to flirt until 35. Generally guys in spore are good, I agree!!!!!

You only skimmed the article la

Lupin Tan said...

You go study first la, then got time, come back and edit.

Hahaha.

eStee said...

lupin: cannot i need to keep editing, i see so many spelling mistakes!! Can't stand!!!

Lupin Tan said...

"欲速则不达"
Eng Translation : "The desire to speed forgoes reaching destination"

"慢工出细货"
Eng Tranlation : "Slow Work Produce Superior Goods"

Hahahaha.

nicelegs said...

TRUE!!..i mean the bosom part la..

CrispyFries said...

Neh neh neh.. no exams no exams no exams. Write write write. Thesis thesis thesis. Die die die.

eStee said...

lupin: shut up la... i like to write a lot of mistakes then edit... not happy ah? :)

crispyfries: u evil. i go back to study now. BAH!

nicelegs: the bosom part u think interesting.. wah kao cheekopek.. anything got bosom u happy liao.

Lupin Tan said...

estee, you blog what, as long as you happy.

Eric said...

Juz wondering... How does the poster boy has any links wif the topic being discussed?

i can understand the "JADED" guy mentality, cos dats how i feel after a couple of bad experiences wif some sg gals... Haiz!

eStee said...

lupin: i very happy u reading la :)

eric: nothing to do with the blog post at all... i just thought it was a very macho pic :).. anyway jaded is one thing, but then dun let it affect u.. for all u know ur missing out on a chance with a perfect girl! :)

Lupin Tan said...

Estee, just as long as you don't find me annoying with all this "nonsense".

eStee said...

lupin: dont worry i dont... if not ill be bored to death. i added u on MSN, but then... im not online now though..

Dawnie said...

Hi Sayang...

I got your text msg...God Bless for the last two papers! As for your theory...how about considering this?

There really is no such thing as commitment phobia. When a guy says he is not the marrying kind, the underlaying meaning is that he does not want to marry you, not that he never wants to get married.

Similarly, guys who cheat or want fuck buddies are just guys who aren't ready for relationships or haven't found the right one yet (that being said, some guys may go through their entire lives never finding the right one or gaining the right frame of mind).

And to be honest, I think there are also guys who hate breaking up with girls and will stay in a dead-end relationship till the end or start acting nasty to make the girl break-up with them. Just to avoid feeling guilty or having to do the dirty deed...

p/s: your hottie, Dean Geyer is also featured in THE VERONICA's MV THIS LOVE.

miss ya, love ya...

Ian Timothy said...

whom they thought was the one (and obviously never deserved at all)

estee, regarding what you said above, how would you measure if a guy deserves or does not deserve a girl. What standards are you using?

eStee said...

Ian: actually it was a passing statement. I really don't mean that one person needs to deserve another to be in a relationship, if 2 people love one another, then as long as they are happy, no one is to judge if one deserve the other or not.

However, I added the phrase in parentheses because I was just feeling unreasonably bitchy to claim that guys who make comments about wanting f**k buddies do not deserve to be in any relationship.

I guess it would be my unreasonable standards. I'm not being harsh or anything la, really, i kinda exaggerate my thoughts most of the time anyway. I was trying to drive home the point that guys should not treat girls as play things... and for that matter, vice versa as well. Guys aren't the only sinners in this game, for sure. In fact, some of them get played bad. :(


Dawnie: sorry I didn't send u off at the airport hun. I saw ur facebook pics, ooking good, girl. Anyways, yea i agree with ur first point on the "hidden" message. Oh so true!

Anonymous said...

TY here.

Man, I don't know about that. What that guy said is pretty much common place among girls as well as guys. It's an issue that could be debated to death.

I look it as this way. This dude probably get girls who think very much the same way ( okay, minus a few here and there who actually thought he meant it).Which as long you're not the involved party, you'll be fine.

Unfortunately 4 years ago I got a girl whom was exactly like that *roll eyes*.

I've had friends like that,even in marriage, and all l I tell them is " Do what you want, you old enough to know what's right and what's wrong. Just don't get me involved"

I used to think guys like those are assholes, but after meeting some man eaters back home and in aussie (always the rich ones for some reason..geez), whom am I to say who's right and who's wrong now? I rather go on holiday.

eStee said...

ty: perhaps ur right. Men aren't the only ones that should be implicated here. Girls also have played this game.

I'm sorry you experienced something heartbreaking recently too. Argh, i feel your pain , dude.

Oh well, I'd rather go on a holiday too than think about it. Wanna pay for mine?

nicelegs said...

eh.. where got cheekopek..normal la.. normal.. haha

Anonymous said...

lol..I'm broke for paying for mine already!

Ben! said...

hey esteeeee your too critical of the guy, look one the bright side! He isn't as heartless as it seems.

note:
"And never get those clingy GFs, they will commit suicide if you dump them"

This shows that he actually cares about them. If not why would he care if she commits suicide? Been there Done that already ya?

.. mmmmmm wondering if your the one who's becoming jaded with guys....

AngryAngMo said...

wow, what a long post :)
lets say its interesting but i dont agree with everything, haha :))

eStee said...

nicelegs: CHEEKOPEK :) hahaha

Ben!: no la I'm not jaded, I know there are good guys out there for sure. Some attached, some waiting for the right one. BUT this post is just written at those who outrightly boast at their ability to play the field just because they don't have time working against them (read: girls)

angryangmo: you don't agree with everything, but you agree with 99% of it...

Anonymous said...

ur theory s quite true, i wonder if u are majoring in psychology

eStee said...

anonymous: yes i major in psychology, but nothing i learnt in psychology lessons i am writing here. just my own observations. However, after reading some comments, i feel there might be loopholes in my theory.

Lupin Tan said...

estee, U major in psychology?

OMG, *keeping distance*
hahaha

Eric said...

Hee maybe u guys can lighten up n read this story titled "Love is a Fallacy" and lighten up lol...

Be warned its pretty long post but beri funny!

http://weblog.xanga.com/jujitsuka look for todays's posting...

Eric said...

Estee... the hyerlink to ian's rebuttal is not wking leh.

Can't access it, can post url here instead?

Lupin Tan said...

Hello Eric, Remember me?

jessica quek sze cheah said...

just a random passerby..

i agree with dawn, guys who say they are not the marrying kind, they are telling you, you are not the one they want to marry. When guys say that they are not ready to commit, they say it's you that they don't want to commit to.

eStee said...

jessica: :) i agree oso!!!


OK GUYS URL FOR IAN"S ARTICLE UPDATED!

Samantha said...

u spend a lot of time thinking of relationships estee. what inspires u? these kind of things give people headaches in general.

actually, i think i could be saying that cos i'm a lil jaded when it comes to the dating world. whenever i meet someone so interesting, i will find out bout things that would crush me. at the end of the day it seems as though no man is big enough of a deal. as friends yea things are great. but if boundaries cross... haAa!~ That's when chaos begins.

i gave up meeting the guy of my dreams a long long time ago. cos i figured i'd prolly meet him on his own wedding day or prolly our paths might meet once but not so much after. pessimistic i know. experience showed me how brutal reality is. it's like that!

sakuragi said...

If we forgo the ethical part of the discussion, it does have something to do with what we carry in our genes, doesn't it?

Samantha: So sad, your point of view :( Somebody would be so sad to hear that ;P

eStee said...

sam: hey girl, no relationship is perfect, and I know it's hard sometimes when we have bumps. But ur other half is not too bad wat.. dun be jaded. at least he comes over and bakes for u, even if its just betty crocker... heads up girl!

sakuragi: yes we all blame evolution...

Samantha said...

lol bout what i said regarding dream guy etc etc... those r things i've summed up at age 18. before i met "betty crocker". LOL!!!

bleh. truly, experience taught me several things. can't really expect from anyone or i'll be disappointed. maybe.

Eric said...

Yes Monsieur Lupin! Of cos i remmeber you... There aren't many ppl who goes by the name Lupin u noe? Hehehe! So how's life?

Lupin Tan said...

The Usual

Ernie said...

Macho for the boh jee is like propaganda for the bottom feeders. Must market oneself in order for people to buy your bull.:)

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