This morning, I CRIED...

I count myself a very emotional person. I can cry very easily but the smallest things make me happy as well. This morning I received news of the passing of Uncle Desouza. It was just 3+ days ago that he was admitted into hospital and this morning. Details are vague but he suffered from a viral attack, when lead to the discovery of a blood clot in his lungs.. During the operation to remove the clot, somehow something happened and he didn't make it through the night. He slipped silently away into the arms of a higher being.

My parents have been trying to bring him and his wife to church for their attempts for the past 30 ish over years have not reaped any fruits. (This is not going to be a preachy-teachy blogpost, don't worry).

My mother called to tell me to tell me of the news this morning and told me my father was very sad and was crying. Her voice sounded crackled as well. I guess I understand the pain -- my dad had spent the last 30 ish years knowing Desouza and they have spent daily lunches together. Once in a while, we could all go out together for a meal or he would ever so often pop by my house when he was working with my dad. I think, my dad treated him as a very good friend. I mean, they had spent a huge amount of their lives knowing each other -- and I think they understood each other through and through.

Desouza was only 68. My dad and I just had a conversation about him on Sunday night, the night he was admitted into hospital. It's ironical. Inronically unfair.

When I heard the news, my heart sunk. I don't know why it did. I didn't know him that well or wasn't too close to him, but perhaps I was saddened by the wife he had left behind. Also I was sad at the fact that the people I cared about were sad. I absolutely hate it when the people I love are sad and the thought of that itself is enough to drive me to tears.

I found myself sobbing incessantly, as if some larger force had overcome me. The transcience of life. Doesn't it suck? As much as I tried to stop, I just couldn't and I logged on to MSN to attempt to speak with my sister. Perhaps she was one who could comfort me because she too, knew Desouza and although she was half a world away, it made me feel that someone understood.

I hate the passing of people. Absolutely.

But the tears kept flowing, and I had to hold my breathe to stop the sobbing -- I didn't want my eyes to swell up and nose to run like no tomorrow.


Then it hit me, how some small things can affect us the most. It it's all about riding on our misery in hope for better days ahead.


Perhaps sorrow may not be such a bad thing if through sorrow, we find inspiration for greater things.


Sometimes happiness is just so near, but our hands are soiled by memories of us doing wrong things. Our mind tells us we can't when, happiness is for everyone. We defeat ourselves before we even try.


People around tell us we can't; beat us down.... sometimes we have to learn to block out what the world says and listen to the music of our heart.


Learn to love ourselves for what we are and stop criticizing or targeting ourselves. Just for the littlest of mistakes. If you don't love yourself, who will?

It's time to take off that facade -- that just doesn't fit.


Or wish for something you don't have...


Or try to fit into someone else's shoes... just to please others, but not yourself...


And don't try to find the exit in to your problems, sometimes the best is to face it, head on.


Dwelling in misery boxes noone up but yourself...


And locks you to your problems. LOCKS.


Poisoning your own thought with negativity never did anyone good. Rubbish in, rubbish out.


And your load only gets heavier... and heavier, dragging you down...


In the end you're your own prisoner, not anyone else's.


The solution may just sometimes lie in chopping off the source of the problem, although it hurts, being a bad relationship, a bad experience, or a bad ....


A bad bad addiction...


Pick yourself up, stop crying over spilt milk or miscarried dreams.


You can only achieve great things if you aim high....

This kinda detracted from a very sad post to something very uplifting. Perhaps because by some stroke of luck, while I was trying out this initially sad post, I came across these pictures and although they seemed at first to be unrelated to anything, I started to think about things in a brighter fashion.

Would like to leave you readers with a little clip, which made me laugh out loud. Perhaps life is better than I think it to be, and... there will be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Maybe after all, I really am very temperamental.... : /

License to "CHEAT"

When do you have the license to "cheat"? When will it be considered OK? When will you be given the green light? When does the world give you a pat on the back for cheating?

Mom and dad were fetching me back from giving tuition today when we suddenly talked about Uncle John and the late Auntie Gracie.

They were my parents' friends from long time back since I was born and I remember fondly receiving birthday gifts and card all the way from Canada without fail each year. Auntie Gracie would never miss a birthday or anniversary, as if it was ingrained in her very DNA to be the person to bring forth joy to the world by never missing a special day. I remember wondering how she was capable of doing so. She had so many friends, who were friends of ours as well and it was as if she had a calendar in front of her where all she did all day was look out for special occasions. She much have had a kinokuniya-load worth of greeting cards for every occasion, I swear!

So what happens is that, a couple of years ago, Auntie Gracie succumbed to cancer and we were all really sad at the loss of a confidante. However, the most devastated was Uncle John. I remember at the funeral, he was sobbing away silently, sad at the loss of a wife, but sadder at the loss of a friend. I remember feeling so much grief, not so much because I would miss her, but more so that the prospect of having to look at Uncle John so sad. Mum and Dad were really upset too, because our families used to be so tight although we were half the world apart...

The topic came up today that uncle John had remarried to some new someone (whom I have no idea who she is and where she comes from). And to some people who called themselves his friends, they found that puzzling, how can someone "remarry" just like that, so quickly, to someone completely foreign, it really doesn't make sense.

But in the car, as I was listening in on the conversation, I felt angry, and frustrated. Angry that people could judge him, frustrated for the lack of compassion from people around. So this is not the first case. Uncle PH, Uncle George, Uncle Winston all loved their wives immensely, but at their passing, soon after, quickly remarried to someone new.

And what the hell is wrong with that? They had loved their wives so much when she was aive, they were totally committed to her and why is it wrong to remarry when she is gone? That doesn't constitute cheating, does it? I mean, seriously, should a man be "punished to be alone" all for the rest of his life just because his wife has left for a better place before him?

Is it wrong to want to find love, afterall men do get lonely, don't they. They still are human! It's not like he was cheating on her or considering thoughts of remarrying when she was alive! These men were completely, wholeheartedly faithful, so who are these people to come by and say that he "didn't love her enough, that's why he remarried"?

How foolish can these ignorant people be? I get more angry as I think about it, these judgmental fools...

For this I say, if your better half is gone, you have more than a license to cheat, so go on, brother!