Walking Away Alive...
Being able to survive a disaster and coming out alive doesn't mean that it was ever ok. Survived it you may have, conquered it you might, but it doesn't one bit mean that going through it was a piece of cake...
One story I think of when looking at the picture above is my auntie. A lone standing tree, fighting away the strong winds, a story to behold.
Auntie X was born in be the only girl in a family with 7 sons. Pampered she was, she got married at a pretty young age, idealistic to lead a life filled with happiness.
After getting married, she had tried for a kid for 8 years but in vain and when she finally conceived, of course the both of them were really happy. Her son was born 9 months later, into a family filled with love and care. X loved her son so much especially after the long wait she spoilt him and spent a huge portion of her time caring for him. Her husband and her fell out many times as they had different ideals in child upbringing - son their marriage grew cold. This made her realise how much important her son was to her and thus she fought hard to care for him more.
The 3 of them lived in a house, where messages towards each other was transmitted by their son. The marriage was irreparable... X recently lasted though a death threatening experience, I had blogged about her previously. Cancer.
She had had her ovaries removed due to a tumour 15cm in diameter. She is clear of cancer now - but fighting to live a normal live - her and her son.
I think about it and I ask myself, just because she went through all the turmoil in her life, does surviving through it alone make it ever OK? Just because we have lived through a disaster, does it mean she is happy to have lived the life we had? Sometimes I look at victims of disaster and they have that crazed happiness in their eyes - surviving through a typhoon, a tsunami, a flight disaster- these people are just happy to be alive despite knowing that they have lost everything they had.
Then I look at X, she is happy to be alive, happy to have lasted through all that painful life experiences. I try to put myself in her shoes - what if I had gone through everything that she had? Would I be as contented as she?
I rant and rave and complain and bitch about the small problems and worries in life, I sulk about small hiccups like the toilet sink choking (yes last night I go so peeved off when my sink choked for no reason), like the air con breaking down, the remote control not having battery, etc... Have a ever stopped to think about how fortunate I am?
No... but I don't know how to start...