Suicide. It's a very big word, at least to me. What would be so painful to drive a person to end his/her life. I was at the Tampines MRT this evening and suddenly police were everywhere and we were pushed out of the station and no one was allowed to enter anymore. No one said why, but basically it was chaotic because there was a huge crowd, many people seemed upset.
I was already running late and now, the east line being closed was not making things easier! Argh! I heard from beside me this lady said that their train had been delayed by an hour because someone jumped onto the tracks and get run over by the MRT train. Now they have no choice but to shut down the line and wait until she had been "cleared" off the tracks for investigation.
I was so sorry when I heard this. No so much because this disruption would make me late, much much more so that someone had found life so intolerable that living was more painful than the thought of getting your body run over by a train.
I stood there for a couple of minutes, staring blank, rooted to the ground, my body went cold. The world started to spin round and round, I started to breathe harder. Some cop had to break this sorry news to her family, assuming she had one.
What is it that pushes us off the limit, to take our own lives? In ACJC, the girl killed herself supposedly over bad results. Then sometimes before I left for the states, this guy was at the top of some engineering building in NUS going to jump down - reason being he was heartbroken. Are results and love valid reasons to die for? What makes a reason valid?
Different people have different tolerance levels for pain so what makes a reason for dying "valid"? Why do out thresholds vary? I can remember a couple of times in my life where I thought dying was better than staying alive in pain but what made me not even consider taking my life? The truth? I really think that the "aftermath" of death would be terrible. I think of my dad, mum and sister, plus friends mourning my death. I think my parents would be very upset and hurt. That is more painful than anything else. So whatever and however painful things are, I don't want to leave a trail of destruction for the people I love...
Nonetheless, I wish the family of the deceased well, may God bless them and comfort them..