Just yesterday I went for an interview for a to-be job (I hope). Gruelled by 3 interviewers for 2 hours, I left the place feeling not so much satisfied and pleased with myself for the way the interview went.. ( it went well so my final round will be on Friday and this is a job I really want), but instead, I left with the feeling of a deep sense of loss and revelation.
Why has all these got to do with what has been happening the last few days in the blogosphere? Let me tell you...
I was asked a question which stumped me. I managed to handle all the questions very well, but was particularly stumped by one.
The interviewer had asked me, "If you want to have a meal with anyone in this world, which 3 people would you chose?" -- This has nothing to do with the job at hand, but it got me thinking about what was close to my heart and what deeply concerned me. It was a question to basically put my core values in a crucible and distill what mattered to me.
1) MM Lee Kwan Yew - reason? Because although he has made many tough decisions which many people might not agree with, I respect him for building our nation, for the sacrifices he has made and for the dreams he had for our country. This is one man I truly respect.
2) Jesus - reason? Many of us lack compassion already. We are thrown around by the winds of life and on the way, we forget our direction, we forget what we want and what we hold close. Although I'm not that religious, as a child, I was told stories about this Man called Jesus who walked the walk and talked the talk. He was compassionate to those who hurled stones at him and forgave those who transgressed him. He healed the sick and he loved the hurt. The world lacks compassion, truly. We trudge about our daily lives thinking ME ME ME...
I would want to have a meal with Jesus and listen to His stories, just me and him ... (and for once I would be quiet -- those of you who know me know that i can never stop talking, super kaypo and zi zha :) )
** I thought long and hard about who I would "spend" this last meal on..... and then it came to me**
3) My parents -- reason? How many people sit down with their parents and have a meal together nowadays? We are busy with workk, with our own lives that we treat things of old as if they don't exist. My parents are growing old, whether or not I admit. I've blogged about this before, but how many of us actually make it a point to sit down and have a good meal together? If you do, good on you! If you don't, it's never too late!
*** I don't know if I had answered the question properly, but as I spoke to him, tears welled in my eyes, and I apologized and awkwardly, as I wiped the tears away, and he skipped on to the next question on his list, pretending he did not notice.... (thankfully, as I was red with embarrassment) ***
Why am I blogging about something like that and how does it relate to things that have been happening in the blogosphere? Well, I feel as if by a weird twist of fate, there are many connections and its as if God is trying to tell me something.... that this is a lesson I have to learn.. be it the hard way...
1) MM Lee Kwan Yew can be paralleled (almost blasphemously) to DK, Cobalt Paladin, Claudia, Paddy and Endoh. They have fiercely given their views on the Nuffnang issue and have made their stand on how NN handled the issue, the people involved, the bloggers as well as competitors. These blogger named above, I held in high esteem, and still do, because I know that their years of experience superceed mine in the real world, in the entrepreneurial world, in the social PR scene and in the blogosphere. They have made their stands and published posts which have been tough on me and painful for me to swallow (similar to some of the laws of governence made by MM LEE), but I respect their take on the issue although maybe I might disagree. Disagreeing, I must emphasize, doesn't negate the depth of respect I have for them..
Yes, they have made statements that have hurt me, hurt Nuffnang, but why? They have done it for the "betterment" of this community at large. They have done it so that people around will know how to handle bloggers and the media better in the future. For that, I thank them. Yes I am hurt by some of their remarks, especially when some seemed personal.
I was not upset at a particular blogger's contempt at my reaction on Techcrunch but I was immensely hurt by this particular blogger trying to pull TDM into the picture.
TDM means a lot to me. I have poured out a lot of time into our projects. I have done it without pay, yes everything voluntarily. Only because I believe in TDM's cause and I know that the projects and the meetings and events we hold will educate and improve this community of entrepreneurs and friends. I love TDM and I hold it very close to me. All I ask for is mercy -- mercy that you will be able to not pull TDM into this picture because there are friends I have in TDM that I can call real friends and I hope that you will understand that my statements represent me only and not TDM. TDM is a separate entity and TDM's reputation should not be marred by my statements. And yes, this is a plea to you, that you will care for the other members of TDM and the pride that surrounds this brand.
2) Jesus - He was a compassionate man, and yes why do I hold Jesus close to me? Doesn't matter in this case if it's Jesus or any other God or Deity. Basically they are compassionate people who look past the mistakes of others. They are appreciative and are never critical of anyone, they look beyond the flaws of a person and give themselves selflessly. Even when they correct, they do so in love and not with an intent to hurt..
Because they know how to above all, LOVE...
I was particularly hurt by Endoh's statement about me. It felt like a personal attack.. I assume that maybe it is not, but from an emotional point of view when reading his post and multiple comments, it felt as if he wasn't a friend to me. I have known Endoh way before this NN incident and have chatted with him online many a times even. But his statements made me sad -- sad at the fact that a friend (yes I still think of him fondly as one) would write something like that without even asking me on my take on the issue. Not once did he talk to me about how I felt about this whole issue). I felt as if he had written without considering my feelings in mind. I would expect that from a friend, or maybe I am expecting too much. Endoh, is there anything I have done to you in the past that has hurt you? If so, I sincerely apologize...
At first part of me wanted to lash out, be angry and write a post telling the world how much he had hurt me, to expose all the things we had talked about previously, but an eye for an eye would make the whole world blind... and thankfully, Nicholas Aaron Khoo talked me out of it and told me that I should keep level headed and write back only after some thought. Nicholas had sent me Endoh's respond comment on his blog saying...
A true friend loves at all times, covers for their friend's mistakes and does not expose them. I felt Endoh was trying to highlight my rashness to the world, and wanted to blog all about my apparent emotional outcry on Techcrunch. (yes I admit, it was an error on my part, what more can I do after apologizing?) He also did highlight my personal relationship with Ming, which made me biased to NN.
"Perhaps being a member of TDM, you guys should educate her (Estee) on proper response techniques pertaining to corporate complaints. My next post is actually intended to discuss on Estee's response in TechCrunch actually."
I have 2 questions to ask everyone here. And you should answer honestly...
1) If you truly cared for someone, would you not stand up for a person, even if it meant your personal reputation at stake? Would you not defend the people you care for? Even if it was beyond logic? Would you not support the person you cared for during time of tribulation? Would you up and leave and be the first to make a beeline for the exit?
Would you have done much differently from me, would you? ---- This issue concerns my personal value that I hold close to myself and even if this whole incident were to replay itself, I would not have made a different choice in voicing my unequivocal support. I would still support Nuffnang and Ming. Only because I care for these 2 entities, and however people insult them or mudsling at them, my decision doesn't change. No amount of insult to me or things I care for will change that.
2) Yes I was rash with my comments on Techcrunch, but I still think that that post lacked the research needed. Yes, when I read it, I thought it was unreasonable and lashed out immediately. I apologize for that, but I do not appreciate someone highlighting it and blogging about it and further causing more pain. All of us, I'm sure have had times where we get emotional and not think straight... my question is then,
Have you ever made the mistake of lashing out then regretting?
Let He Who is Without Sin Cast the First Stone
But I digress.... back to point 3
3) My parents -- this reminds me fondly of the people I love and care about, the ping community and TDM... I have been with the Ping.sg community since Nexus 07 held in March.
I have grown with the community, hung out with them and chatted with them on the shoutbox.. They have become a part of me and I speak very fondly of them. The TDM community also comes into mind because I have sweat with them, cried with them and laughed with them. (Those insanely 24 hour long meetings!!! argh *smile*) My parents can thus be paralled with these people who I think of fondly...
I truly care of these 2 communities and am upset when there is a rift. I'm not saying that the ping.sg community has been torn apart due to this trivial issue, but what I'm saying is that let's not divide into 2 factions -- supporters of NN or not -- this issue is separate from ping.sg. The community should be one whether or not this NN issue arises. (maybe this is a test of our mettle and love?)
I don't wish to defend myself anymore, I don't see a need to. What I want to do however, is to express my heartfelt feelings, to come clean and be honest, as honest as possible.
Those from the ping. sg community know me and I believe those who understand my personality and character will still be a friend to me no matter where this issue leads to.
Because a friend loves at all time -- that's what my parents said.
And time will tell...