But anyway, I digress. I had another epiphany today -- perhaps it is because I am starting to think more about life and the circumstances it swings at me, that it is very common for me to have "aha" moments in the gym. This is not the first time! As I jogged on the threadmill, I watch out of the window to see the very familiar children's pool. And I can't help but smile at the families that bring their children to swim at this public pool. I remember when I was much much younger - circa 1991 - dad and mum used to bring Esther and I to this exact same pool to swim. But I was never much of a swimmer you see, and I remember splashing around in the water under their careful supervision. The pool was so different then it was just, a pool. nothing fancy like it is now , the water slides, the mushroom, the fountain, the artificial rocks which change its entire landscape. But nonetheless, as a kid then, I didn't know better, all I knew that it was pure bliss to be allowed to swish around in the pool. (and also to pee in it.. hehe)
I watch as I run, and I break into a smile because the children splashing around have not a care in the world, and I too, was once like that. They live like there's no tomorrow and they don't conserve their emotions as if running on a near empty tank.
Then almost as I sink into deep warm happiness, the lights of the pool gets shut off, without warning and everything around the area turns pitch black. I can hardly even make out the figures in the pool anymore. Then almost instinctively, I feel my heart sink, and I feel a cold, familiar sadness overcome me. So I think to myself as I catch myself before I fall, truly my surroundings affect how I perceive things around me. And sometimes I cast a shadow over all the parts of my life just because one small part isn't going as well as planned. I am a perfectionist, but why should I punish the other areas in my life when one portion isn't fairing as well as it should?
And just as I won't know the exact second when the pool lights will shut down, why not enjoy it while the lights are still up and the children are still frolicking and laughing? Tomorrow will worry for itself, live for the moment.
Today was an OK day for me, tomorrow will be better! :)