I have finally found out what my problem is - thank you NY times.
Story of my life... anyway tired now, just got home -- Ill write more tomorrow on what happened.
So yesterday, Grace, Dork and AJ and I were at Maccas at ECP and somehow I started nagging about what they should and shouldn't do. I told Grace not to cycle in blind corners, told AJ not to sleep too late, and told Dorcas not to cycle without bicycle lights. I think what J said is true, I do nag a lot, and I don't even realize it. When Grace mentioned, realization hit me. I need to stop nagging. I am becoming someone I don't even know anymore. Even if I care for them, nagging isn't the best way to put that forward.
I saw Jeeves post on FB about his BKK trip. If things were like they were 6 months ago, I would too be discussing the BKK trip. This will be the first time in 4 years that i will not be going to watch the pretty fireworks in BKK on new years. I feel sad. For some reason, I feel really depressed. I have to admit, I miss Ming. But I believe too, that the only way you can truly get over someone, is to fall for someone else. Guess J did take my mind off ming quite a lot for the last what - 4 months? But perhaps, J also made me realize more how good Ming was a a partner.. and I find myself back to square one, where I started out from. Lost. I don't like this feeling.
Mymind seems quite occupied with things I worry about still, although I know I shouldnt -- but I still am a worry wart. I need to kick this habit soon, it is eating me up. I can't control everything, I need to let go.
But I think I have improved, I am slowly starting to see clearer, and it is uncanny that strangers have suddenly entered my life to help me "recover". Unlikely strangers who have turned into friends. God must still have a place in His heart for me, truly. I am blessed.
We deserve to be happy, we are good people, but sometimes life just isn't fair. But if we go on lamenting that life treats us badly, we will only spiral down, and that's not what I plan to do.
Anthony asked me to write down 5 promises to myself, I have, and I think he is helping me to take stock and keep accountable for them:
1) I need to be less critical of myself
2) I need to grow closer to God
3) I need to stop falling for men that only hurt me and do not know how to treat me as I should be treated
4) I need to spend more time with my family
5) I need to stop being jealous of people who are better than me
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