Singlehood is sweet as sweet gets :)
Anyway, I did promise to write more about Ramasamy, the old lady who lives in Dorcas' nursing home. When she saw me, she beckoned me over immediately. Now mind you, this woman has dementia, so she, at that moment, thought that I was her daughter who had not visited her in a long time. I walked over, she started crying, telling me she missed me, havent seen me in a long time.
I look at the 10 secs or so of happiness Ive given her, and when Dorcas turns away I start crying. This woman here, bed ridden, must she be happier than me? The joy on her face when seeing me, that's true joy. Yes myself, sometimes I ruminate at the situations I'm in when I'm fully abled body! It taught me a real lesson and as I walked with Dorcas to Blooie's for a drink, I share with her my thoughts and she says "It's about being content, about appreciating what you have".
And she's exactly right, I need to learn to count my blessings more.
I'm hoping to squeeze some time to see her again. I have brought Hansen to see her and she kissed him all over his face, made him feel so shy. Made me guffaw in laughter...
I think singlehood is an amazing thing, really. I suddenly don't remember ever having so much time to myself, meeting the people I want to, planning my time around no one but me. On weekday nights, I meet whoever I want, make time for my friends, on weekends, it time with my friends again. The people I care for. It's like a part of me has been cut off, I don't need to spend time thinking of one other person, what he is doing, does he need help with anything, who he is with...
It's almost amazing at how much time time I get to myself when there is no "other half". I am starting to appreciate a time like this -- It's been almost 4 year since I've experienced this. With Ming, I was always with him, our lives were so intertwined, we spent all out time together, he was part of me -- 4 years. 4 fruitful joyful years until it ended. With James, it was almost 4 months, but my mind was riddled with worries and I was somehow always constantly thinking of him, it was lethal and very fatal attraction, as Shimei would say.
But now that they are history, I find myself like a flightless bird, suddenly finding out that I can fly! do you understand the thrill of being able to talk to, go out, spend time with anyone without having the guilt that you're answerable to anyone in particular? It's liberating. I think I want to stay single for some time. I like this feeling of space.
I have started going out with people again, guys. And I've learnt not to write off at first encounter. People need 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances. Because I gave Ming multiple chances, it gave me 4 years of happiness. So I have learnt never to let firt impressions deceive. I want to keep it this way, dating... it's fun.
Vera came over to Singapore last week and Shimei and I had a brief meeting with her just to update her on what's going on in our lives. The last 2 weeks with so much time in KL, Ive been praying for very specific areas of my life -- certain parts which I have concerns over. Every night and every morning, I've been telling God how I feel and how I know I need to be feelings. Ive been praying for strength, perseverance, and most of all faith. And after she ended her prayer for Shimei and I, she tapped my on the shoulder, and said, "the word for you today is Don't Rush".
And when I heard that I knew exactly what she meant, and I know God is watching over me. I am truly blessed.
The only way things will go henceforth is up!