some days i wake up raging with anger, some days I wake up feeling shalom peace.
Some days I feel nothing at all.
Then all I do is surround myself with sermons and bethel music to dull whatever I'm feeling, and I sink into a state of complete reliance on HS to make everything OK, to erase every anger, hate, love, memory, feeling. Until there is nothing but me swimming in a sea of hope.
A sea of hope without a float, because I can keep sinking and never have to drown.
Last night I had a terrible nightmare, as I have been getting for nights on end. It was so real, I woke up feeling I was still in the dream, i felt spiders crawling all over my body and I had to take a shower as I was so disgusted with how I was feeling.
I know these nightmares are from the devil. And I know they will fade in time as I immerse myself more into the loving arms of my Father.
And as He erases all the hurt, He will teach me to trust again.