TRUST. the most neglected 5 letter words - ever.
Val's mom posted a clip from Phantom of the Opera on facebook, thanking Ming for sharing it on Twitter. I've ceased to follow Ming on Twitter, a week before we broke up, I decided, I had to start making things easy for myself, so out of sight, out of mind.
But when I watched the clip, it made me want to smile because Ming hasn't changed - his love for the opera, his depth, everything about him that made me fall in love with him in the first place. And then I felt a bit of sadness - I miss him. I miss the emotional security he gave me, because I could trust him 100% with my heart. Although things didn't work out between us, he won my trust, I never doubted him, and he was responsible with never taking my trust for granted or breaking it.
Trust isn't something you build up over night, it's something that takes time and effort to work on. It's so fragile because like a mirror, it once broken, will never be the same again. It's difficult to trust something or someone when you hardly know the person or understand where he or she is coming from. When starting form scratch, how do you balance the fine line between trust and asking too much?
I struggle with that a lot, because it's not "me" to intrude or "pry" -- it's simply difficult for me to do so. However, if I don't, my mind starts playing tricks on me and telling me what I don't want to hear. And then, I start clamping up -- all the defense mechanisms start to kick in.
When will I learn to trust someone - another human, a partner, with reckless abandon again?